The Monkey and Me

Finally an update - 5 mo to the day

2011-05-22T13:13:00.001-07:00

Bye bye Connie

2011-05-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

I made a tough call last week. I canceled my WW subscription. I haven't been to weigh in 2 weeks. At that time I was down 4 lbs from my first weigh in back Feb 20th. And the last 2 weeks have been bad - I have felt huge and am sure I have put it all back on. (For the record - I am no longer allowed to buy Trail Mix ever again.)
I haven't been walking the walk. It's just not clicking for me this time. And I swear if I felt like the leader gave a crap - I'd be there. But she really sucks. I have been going to that same meeting for 10 years, and she barely acknowledges me, and simply isn't friendly at all. So that's that. I am done with Connie.
Also, I really can't afford to be throwing away $40 a month right now. Times are tight. My son has grown so much this year, it's all I can do to keep clothes and shoes on him.
I am going back to using Livestrong. I like that site so much better, so much easier to use and I feel more in control. I am going to try to give the blood type diet principals some thought, and put some into practice. I am keeping up with exercise, though I am not in the gym as much as I used to be, I am still in there, and sticking it out. It's part of my life. Minimum of 5 days and that's good - though I like it to be everyday. That said it's been since Wednesday since I've been. The end of last week was so busy and we were out of town camping over the weekend. But today is another day.
I really wish it would just click for me already. I have been getting stuck at this weight at this size, forever. I am so over it. I can maintain like no one's business, but getting out of these size 12s seems impossible. There are people who tell me I should just be happy where I am but I'm not. I'm just not. I can't accept that this is it for me.

So much to do so little time

2011-05-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have totally fallen face first again on this bloggy thing here. I haven't even had much time to read any blogs much less update my own.

There is so much going on. I had my revision surgery - a tale for another time - did not go awesome. I had 2 craft shows, a trip to NYC with my little dude - again another time - but that WAS awesome. And there are only 6 short weeks of school left!!! Ahhhh! I have taken a summer job hosting French Exchange students, which I am excited about, but still have 10 kids to find host families for and there is just so much to do. I have also started spending some time with someone - it's nothing new if you will, but that's all I will say about that. Believe it or not I actually have somethings I keep totally to myself.

updates coming soon - until then a few pictures ......

me and the monkey at the beginning of our trip - ready to go

and the end - so totally done - no more pictures momma

my dear friend Betsy and I at the Handmade Market in Raleigh NC

did I mention soccer season has started again?

trying to eat healthy - Gazpacho from my CSA veggies - horray for hydroponic tomatoes

but I'm only down 4 lbs total on WW - a few steps forward and a few steps back

and lastly despite any troubles I have had along the way; there is definitely progress -

some before during and now pics - we're still not in the after phase yet

Slow and Steady wins the race. 10K Running, Recovering, Refocus and Revision.

2011-04-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

I did it. Without the medics having to scare me off the pavement, without injury and without much walking. I finished this year's Monument Ave 10K.

And the Monkey - well he did his first Kid's Run! I am so proud of him!

He did not run the whole mile - but he did most of it. I ran with him, so he wouldn't get overwhelmed and lost. (So I did an extra mile, thank you.) I pushed him a little and he did great. He kept saying -
"I will never give up."

The 10K is a fun race, with a costume contest, and many people dress up. This year the costumes were fewer this year, as the race had been turned into a big Black and Gold Rampede, to cheer on our hometown VCU boys in the Final Four. But this guy's costume caught my Monkey's eye.

Angry Birds. The Monkey is OBSESSED with that game at the moment. And when an Aspie is obsessed, it's all he wants to talk about. He was drooling over this guy's get up. Our new friend won first place in the costume contest, and then - get this - he GAVE the costume to my kid! He disassembled the slingshot and gave him the bird and pig. What an awesome guy. We're going to hang them in his room.

Shamefully, I did not train for this long of a run. Last year I did not train properly either, and did 2 10Ks in 2 weeks. The subtle injuries have followed me all year. So every time I tried running this season, it just hurt and I hated it. I ran 3 miles once. That was it. But I had signed up and I have been doing high impact cardio, so I took a slow pace and just plowed through. Powered on by the best running album ever Girl Talk - recommended by Sheryl over at Bitchcakes. That album really gave me the fuel I needed. (Thanks Sheryl.) I made it and I finished in 80 min. Slow and steady. I do hurt like the dickens today, hips and hamstrings are sore, so I'm giving my body a break today.

Weigh in this week brought me +2. I was careless this week, gave in to more cravings, eating out and old bad habits, and paid the price. I don't feel like I've really committed myself. I've let my self get distracted, and I need to find my focus. I also felt rather swollen from the run, which could account for some of it, but no excuses, I just need to get on with the show. This week I am not officially doing the Simply Filling Technique, but I am gearing more towards it, and watching that I am consuming mostly Power Foods. I am stocked up with fresh healthy food, so there is no need for eating out. I am prepared for a month where I may go up, or maintain from surgery, swelling, Spring Break and Easter, but I have a plan to keep it all in check and keep on my steady path to loosing. Slow and steady is the pace.

My revision surgery is in 2 days. I am a little nervous, but I know it won't be nearly what the original tuck and muscle repair was, so I will be fine. I am as always, hoping for the best. Hoping for a quick recovery. After all, a week and a half post revision, is Spring Break and our trip to NYC! I cannot wait! The trip is sandwiched in between 2 craft shows as well! Too much to look forward to to worry. Just hoping the swelling isn't too bad, and my clothes that all finally fit again, still fit so I have something to wear to New York.

I'll be sure to post a video after my surgery. I will be so glad to be done with all that scarring and the necrotic open wound. So over it. And still, regardless of all the ups and downs of this surgery, I am still really happy with my decision.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2011-03-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

It starts off with no time for coffee- never a good start. Then I had a little accident on my way to work - bumped into a car who slammed on her brakes to turn without a signal. No damage, but she was trying to blame all sorts of stuff on me - dents on the side of the vehicle, claimed her neck hurt, all while her door handles were falling off. Her car was a hoopty - and my plastic bumpered Saturn got no damage, so I think not. My bumper would have crumbled. When I got out to check for damage, I locked the key in the car with it running. My phone was in my car too, along with everything else. Police came, I got a ticket for following too closely- the officer was great and let me use her phone to call AAA. The AAA locksmith arrived and got my car unlocked, and sent me on my way. I drove down the road only to run out of gas after like 2 or 3 blocks - I was on my way to get gas when the whole mess happened. I walked home to get my gas can, made myself a much needed cup of coffee, poured it in a paper cup, and walked back to to put gas in my tank, but I couldn't pour it in from the gas can, so I had to dump out my coffee to use the paper cup to pour it in one cup at a time. There wasn't enough gas, so I had to walk to the gas station. Got covered in gas during all this. Finally I was ready to roll. Made it to Wawa for gas and coffee. Finally got to work just in time for the 5th graders who 2 weeks ago were throwing things at my head behind my back.
I was running on not much sleep as the night before I was getting texts and phone messages from my ex that had me up most of the night and resulted in a call to the police.

The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again.

I think I've had my share of fun today.
I win worst Tuesday ever!

But did I let it beat me? No way! I hauled my rear to the gym and kicked some Body Pump and Body Step butt.

I confess I did hit the nutella, and I may not be having the best week - but I am tracking it and moving on.

Redbook

2011-03-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

So I did an interview for Redbook magazine about my tummy tuck. It was for an article on the topic and they spoke to many people. I sent them photos too. (Oh my God I must have lost my mind. I am so embarrassed.) I haven't really mentioned it, and I have been wondering who would see it. Last night I got a message from a Richmond Mommies friend asking if that was me - yep, it sure is. It's the April issue. I have yet to see it. Nope they didn't send me a copy. I guess I'll need to pick one up. Let me know if you see it and tell me what you think.

I am in the thick of Youth Art Month this week, and have no time to get to the gym. I haven't been since Sunday and won't get there till Friday if I'm lucky. Tonight is my big night. I have been really stressed out - and it's making me hungry. I am staying in my points, and have used some of my weeklies. I have only earned 10 activity points. I'm trying to watch it, but when you are in a rush and stressed it sure is hard.

I wonder if there is a chemical released in your system when you are under stress that makes some people hungry. I need to look into that....

Nothing up, nothing down

2011-03-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

So far I have lost 4.4 lbs being back at Weight Watchers on the Points Plus plan - 3 weeks now.

This week I lost nothing. I also used up almost all of my Weekly Points and Activity Points.
On the WW message boards I asked......

So throughout my WW journey I have known many different plans or rules for using your DP - WP and AP - for example "the Wendie Plan" from the 123 success - when daily points came in ranges (ie 22-29) and people following this plan would alternate points daily. The rhythm of the week would look like this: low/high/low/very high/very low/high/med. high. Of course then the plan changed to give you a set points range with weekly points to spread out or spend at once - some never use them at all. Then there is the case of APs - now e tools banks them for use after all your WPs are gone and then it uses them. I personally don't like to use my APs, but on a week when I use all my WPs, its nice to have that cushion. Can you use all of them and really still loose? Who does that? So what do you do? What are your rules for using these points? Do you have a method that works? Do you use all your DPs, WPs AND APs? This week I used and did not loose. (I also did not gain thanks to staying mindful - a successs in my eyes) But obviously eating it all just doesn't work for me. What works for you?

I'm Back! 3 months post TT - and back at the WW!!

2011-03-12T06:54:00.001-08:00

I'm back.

my tummy tuck 5 weeks update

2011-01-31T14:02:00.000-08:00

26 days

2011-01-17T20:13:00.001-08:00

My Tummy Tuck part 5 - 18 days

2011-01-09T18:08:00.001-08:00

Here is my latest update, some news on recovery, and talk about those damned compression garments. I thought I was done with the girdles, but at least there is an end in sight.

1/1/11 a little wow moment

2011-01-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

Ok - I have had my first real wow moment - I realize I have a long way to go - but if this is the beginning, and I am swollen and hunched over, and have bulky bandages on under my leggings - well then wow. 2011 is gonna be amazing.

blocked videos fixed

2010-12-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

So I realized I had my videos marked as private - but now they are open for all to see.

Being all medicated and such made me a lazy blogger. It's so much easier to show and tell this way.

One Week

2010-12-29T10:22:00.001-08:00

It's been one week, I'm on the mend but my skin is under some stress, so I went out to the Dr's office today.

Part 3 the big reveal

2010-12-26T09:33:00.001-08:00

first of many

2010-12-25T11:41:00.000-08:00

Here is the first of many before and after collage pictures - I'm swollen and very bruised, but even this early and still swollen, you can see a big difference! The Dr took off 4 1/2 lbs of skin and fat, he stretched me to the limit to get my tummy as tight and flat as he could. It's gonna be a long road to recovery, but this is a great start!

Day 3 of Tummy Tuck - part 2

2010-12-24T10:48:00.001-08:00

Day 1 of my tummy tuck

2010-12-24T10:20:00.000-08:00

before pictures

2010-12-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

all right - here are my morning of before pictures: sorry - I know it ain't pretty. Believe it or not I go to the gym and I work hard, but that tummy stays the same. Most people who know me, would be surprised to see this, because I hide it rather well under clothing. Girdles and control tops and bodysuits can help, but the tummy was always there. Say good bye nasty stretched out flab. I am done with you and you flappin and rollin.
.

I'm back - and in the flatlands

2010-12-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

I have been MIA for quite a while now. I did 3 craft shows, 2 student teachers and all the other day to day, being a single mom stuff and all of that really kept me busy, to say the least.
We also had our home broken into, and they thieves stole my son's wii, all his games and accessories, a video camera and my grandmothers ring. They came through our small kitchen window, over a sink full of dirty dishes. The ADT motion sensor was not working. I have double hung windows, and the top was down just a hair, so that it appeared locked, but although it was in lock position was not matched up with the window lock. Check all your windows if you have double hung.
ADT came out and replaced the back door alarm, as it was randomly going off as well, added a sensor to the kitchen window, and refunded 2 months of service to me. Insurance came through, which was awesome. A friend of ours gave us their wii, which blew my mind! I replaced many games got a few new accessories and had money for Christmas gifts.
As far as my grandmothers ring, it is irreplaceable, but it was also the ring Stephen and I used as our engagement ring, so it was sort of cursed. Now they have the curse. I hope karma kicks their butts.

So with everything going on, I have not been eating well or getting to the gym. I definitely was doing some emotional eating. Lots of junk food, sweets, a burger here, pizza there, and my favorite - boneless BBQ wings. I think also in the back of my mind I was thinking how the plastic surgeon would just take it away. Really distructive way of thinking.

And speaking of surgery - it was yesterday! I am making some videos and plan to post them here and maybe on YouTube. So look for those to come! I'm a little drowsy right now so I'm gonna get a little nap.

I love Raleigh

2010-11-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

I just love Raleigh. If I were to move out of Richmond, Raleigh would be my first choice. It's such a wonderful, fun, hip, and creative community.

This weekend marked my official return to the craft show circuit at the 2010 Handmade Market. In it's 10th year and at a new location, the market was as usual packed with holiday shoppers. As usual the girls did an awesome job! I got to see old friends, my craft mafia girl Tasha, who I have totally missed, unexpected visits from old friends and customers, and made new friends too.

view of the market from my spot

I also got to try out my favorite app of 2010 - Square . Credit card processing at shows is no longer a chore. My neighbor at the show, Flytrap and I were singing their praises at every swipe. I am a huge fan!

my booth with shoppers

Raleigh is the home of one of my favorite people, my girl Betsy, from my Williamsburg waitressing days in the mid 90s. Now we are both teachers, so we are still sharing so many things in common after all these years. I love that girl. She put me up in her and her hubby Greg's awesome home, joined me at the show, bought lots of stuff, and took me to super cool places. We had brunch at Fosters Market, which I cannot say enough about. It was the second time we had been there together. I can't get enough of that place! Brunch was incredible! I brought Andy home leftover gingerbread pancakes which he loved. I did a little shopping for the holidays, getting my mom the new Sara Foster cookbook. I also brought home dinner, 2 soups for lunches, and a 7 pepper jelly for both my mom and I. I think we will crack open the pepper jelly for knit night.

Foster's Gingerbread pancakes

Betsy also took me to The Scrap Exchange, and incredibly cool creative reuse center. I had never seen a place like that before. It took me a while to warm up, but once I did, I couldn't stop. Betsy bought a bag of stuff for Andy to make a Sponge Bob robot out of, I got a large bag of stuff, and a few vintage patterns. Then Betsy and I decided to do a fun project together. We each filled a small bag full of stuff for each other and swapped them. We are going to make our Christmas presents out of the contents of the bag. It's going to be so much fun. Follow their blog, they have all sorts of wonderful ideas!

The Scrap Exchange

I can't believe how quickly the holidays are coming! I remember a time when it seemed that pre Thanksgiving holiday decor and such was just too early, but now it seems like there is just not enough time to get ready for the holidays. I have knit night this week at my house, so it's time to recover from my pre craft show mess, and get the house cleaned up tonight. Next week I'll be pulling out the decorations! Until then I am decking my own halls - okay my neck anyways, with this awesome score from my Raleigh friend Kristin of Mood Swing Studio. How fabulous is this thing?

Highly anticipated return?!

2010-11-12T05:33:00.000-08:00

So excited about going back to The Handmade Market tomorrow!
I thought I would share the Artist Spotlight posted on the event blog yesterday -

http://www.thehandmademarket.com/site/?p=1264

Highly anticipated return?! No pressure there. Now if I can figure out how I am going to finish everything I want to finish, pack the car, and get a little sleep so I am not delirious at the show. Who needs sleep?
I knew I should have called in sick today.

But no matter what - I am going to step today!

Frazzled......

2010-11-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

Whoa. I have really fallen out of the loop. I haven't been blogging a dang thing or even reading any for that matter.
I have been crazy busy, but really not doing well watching what I eat, barely ever making it to the gym and kinda feeling like crap. My legs need to be waxed, I need a haircut and a new pair of shoes would be nice.
But all of that will have to wait. I just need to make it through till the end of the year.
It will all be worth it. I keep telling myself if I can maintain through the holidays, I will have done well.
I have been seriously busy and quite discombobulated. So much is going on this time of year. Every weekend is booked and I have a long list of to dos every weeknight. I have 3 craft shows to get ready for. There have been planning days at work, sick days, days out of town. It's such a crazy time of year.
I just got back from my State Art Ed conference. 2 days off work, 3 days of conference fun. I worked the registration desk, but had a good time, albeit exhausting. We pack those conferences full, from morning to night! I managed to run once the entire weekend.
I spent the weekend prior sewing, and didn't make it out to the gym . I chained myself to my sewing machine. My step dad was taking care of Andy while I went to the conference, so I also had to get the house cleaned. In addition to packing to go had a ton to do to get ready. We had an artisan's gallery at the conference this year, so I brought my Monkey and Me wares, and had a small show. I didn't expect to sell much, and just expected it to be a dress rehearsal of sorts for my upcoming shows, but I actually sold quite a few items.
When I picked Andy up Sunday, he was sick. We stayed home both Monday and Tuesday, which bought me more time to sew. I made 42 dresses in 2 days. Insane. I hated that he was sick, but boy I really needed the time to sew. Even though I have been sewing so much, I still don't feel ready. The first show is this Saturday. The Handmade Market in Raleigh NC. As usual there are so many things I wish I had time to make.
I need a knock out show - this is how I am paying for my tuck in December.
At school I am on student teacher #2. I have hardly taught my kids at all this whole year. While my student teachers are fine, I kinda want my kids back. I'm getting really lazy. And bored. I love my job so it really makes me crazy to get bored at work.
Here it is Thursday and I haven't been to the gym all week. I brought pants for this afternoon, so I am going to run no matter what and I am going to step tomorrow before taking Andy to meet my parents since they will keep him while I go to NC.
My weight is pretty stable but my body feels different. My waist is measuring much larger, while other parts of my body stay the same, so I'm pulling out the Flat Belly Diet book, and going to it for guidelines. I will do the 4 day anti bloat next week. I want to do something before this all gets out of hand.

I love this.

2010-10-29T03:11:00.000-07:00

freaking out

2010-10-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

Sort of freaking out over here.
Student teacher #1 finished Friday, and Student teacher #2 started today. The good news is student tecaher #2 is AMAZING and so ready to roll. But 2 back to back has me really discombobulated and all messed up. I will teach this week, but new ST wants to take over right away, so I won't have my kids back till the last week before school is out for holiday break. Crazy.
I got into all the shows I applied for - meaning I have 3 BIG shows this season!!! The last one I did not expect to get into at all. it figures, that was the day I was going to do the 5k - but I'll still train any how.
Justin - the absent biological father of my son is $ 1,837.69 behind on child support, and i just got a notice from DCSE that he has a new employer, and they will collect arrears at a whopping $175 a month - so I am financially screwed. At that rate of repayment it will take 10 months to repay. He gets to pay it as his leisure, but our bills and such still need to be paid, so bye bye savings. And so close to the holidays. Damn it. I just hope my shows go well so I can still go forward with my Nip Tuck plan. It scares me though. I have no idea when I will get this first payment from the new employer, but I guess at least I should be grateful I'll get it at all. Now I wonder if I should have the case reviewed in January. I can have it reviewed to see if incomes have changed. Mine has not - but his very well could have. I may just do it. You can review every 3 years. Frankly, it's really the far way to do it regardless of outcome, so I just may.
I have been going to the gym more regularly, but not counting points or anything. And last night we made chocolate chip cookies. Balance? Not really. Just being bad.

Having my cake....

2010-10-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend helping my mom with her Cake Decorators group Cake Show. This is their big deal event, with big name decorators teaching classes, and the juried cake competitions. Pretty fun, cool stuff, and a diet train wreck.

I left on Friday to get there to help set up. That meant driving to Norfolk 2 hours away, helping set up, picking up one of the guest decorators, and staying until 9 for early registration. Not only did I not get to workout, but we ate late and at a horrific place, see here for the review and warning.
Saturday was the show, and I was asked to stand in for a judge that did not show. I was to judge the tasting competition. Yep that's right I ate cake. A lot of cake. So much that my blood sugar was out of wack the rest of the day. Seriously sick. No matter how fun an idea that sounds like - do not ever judge a cake tasting competition. Bad idea. And throw on top of that TOM came to visit the same day. Bloat sick bloat. I did get to leave the show a bit to take my boy to the VA Zoo, which was just lovely. But again, no workout, for the 3rd day in a row.
Sunday I did get in a run, and felt so much better. I am only on week 2 of C25K, but I feel good about starting back from the beginning.
The good news is I never want to eat another piece of cake as long as I live.
And the better news is my little guy won first place in the Little People Division of Decorated Cookies.

A little flashback from the Summer

2010-10-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

A little movie from our summer trip to make up for all I didn't blog about it.

West Coast Adventure 2010 Slideshow: Beth and Andy’s trip from Richmond, Virginia, United States to 22 cities including San Francisco, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland, Monterey, Santa Cruz, San Luis Obispo, Newport, Corvallis and Crescent City was created by TripAdvisor. See another United States slideshow. Create a free slideshow with music from your travel photos.

Ready to run

2010-10-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have been cleared by the PT to run again. Finally. I'm taking it easy and doing C25K. Day 1 and 2 down. If all goes according to plan I will run the Jingle Bell 5K on Dec 4th. Yesterday I felt like poop, and didn't think I would make it. But I squeezed in a run anyhow, changing into my gym clothes at school just before my afternoon duty - and heading straight to the gym, getting there at 2:50 thanks to the lack of traffic at that time, ran the 31 min and still got to Andy's school at 3:30 to pick him up. I proved that even when I think I have no time at all whatsoever - I can fit in a run. Yes. I just need to be prepared and have a gym bag at the ready at all times. Next week I am packing a gym bag for every day of the week.

Confession. Last night after all my good choices, Andy and I stopped at Quaker Steak and Lube for a bucket of 24 boneless wings. They have a drive through. Bad, very bad. We polished them all off. Andy was a bottomless pit, but I put a major dent in them myself. I wasn't feeling so hot earlier so I only had an English Muffin, maybe a little Greek yogurt with pumpkin, a little bit of salad and a roll. (Oh and 2 dove chocolates. Dark.) I felt better, I had run, so what the heck. Within my points? 9 points for 6 according to my calculations with the help of My Daily Plate. I think I might actually have been OK. We ate them with broccoli and cauliflower, carrot sticks and celery. OK the Blue Cheese was prolly unnecessary. I almost forgot about that.

Tonight is knit night, I'm hosting and we have tons to do, the house is a mess, and the puggle is long overdue for a nail trim. So I'm missing the gym today. I know. If I had been prepared I'd have a gym bag ready and I could squeeze it in. But I am not prepared today.

Tomorrow I have to leave school early to pick up Andy. I WILL squeeze in a workout before I pick him up. After wards we have to go to Norfolk to help my mom out with her Cake Decorators Cake Show . I have a feeling that's going to be dangerous.

So like I said - Jingle Bell 5K Dec 4th - that is, if I don't get into Holiday Heap in Baltimore. It's one of the 3 craft shows I have applied for this season with my craft biz The Monkey and Me. I kinda don't think I will get in. I have never gotten into that one. The first is one up is The Handmade Market, Nov 13th, in Raleigh NC. I did get into that one! Yay!! Those Handmaidens put on a hell of a show! The second is Handmade Holiday, Dec 12th in Richmond hosted by my Alma matter The Richmond Craft Mafia. As alumni, I always have a place at their shows, I just have to pay show fees and submit and application. Done. I need to get sewing.

Speaking of shows, I needed new images to submit to get into shows. So I asked my friend Leila of Leila Wylie Photography, a Craft Mafia alumni friend of mine, to take pictures of her lovely daughter in new The Monkey and Me digs. Check out these amazing images!

With these images I just may get into Holiday Heap after all.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

2010-10-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have that quote on my freezer. Believe it or not I am a goal driven person. I thrive on goals - even though I sometimes, dare I even say often, miss - well, I am lost without them. Goals help me reinvent myself when I am questioning my life direction, and evaluating where I am. And now is one of those times. So I am doing a few new things, and setting a few new goals to get myself in order.
First, I am starting to really worry about money. Especially with the upcoming surgery, and my mortgage increase this year. (Taxes.) I am house poor and stuck. I bought this house with a dual income in mind and got stuck on my single teacher's income that hasn't seen a raise or step increase in 4 years. So, I am putting myself of a dollar diet. Budget is a word that I really tend to rebel against, so I am calling it something else. I need to make some changes and cuts.
Here are my ideas.
#1 Menu planning and cutting my grocery bills. Last month I seriously spent $600 on groceries. I saved my receipts to get an honest look at what I was spending. Shocking. I feed only myself and one child, but that kid eats like a grown man. I am also sending him to school with packed breakfast and lunch. He doesn't like to eat first thing in the morning, so he eats when he gets to school at 8:30. They have free breakfast at school, but it's total junk. Same for lunch, its cheaper to buy school lunch, but it's crap. And I'm sure you all know, eating healthy is expensive. So over the weekend, armed with Hungry Girl and Sneaky chef cookbooks, I made a list and went shopping. I first went to evil Sam's Club for a few items, then to the grocery store. I stuck to my list fairly well. Only a few off list items. I spent just over 1/2 what I want to spend for the month. So that leaves me to buy only necessary items for the rest of the month. I am making recipes from both books, eating 1/2 and freezing 1/2 and using it all this month. I prepped veggie purees on Saturday night and made the Sneaky Chef Gotta Lotta Lasagna on Sunday, with an easy and tasty and veggie filled homemade sauce recipe with pureed tofu mixed in with the ricotta. Who knew that'd be so tasty?!
#2 Cutting cable and switching internet. I am going to try getting rid of Verizon all together and try out a new service Clear. My area has the 4G available and it's only $45 a month total.
#3 I'm making no personal clothing purchases for the rest of the year. It's gonna be hard, But I am going to try really hard. I have no idea if the surgery will change any sizes for me and I am not wasting any more money. I will make due with what I have. Andy will need a few things, mainly shoes, a coat, pants, and socks. We did get some hand me downs, but none of the jeans fit now. He's growing like a weed. (See my grocery bill.) I am going to make smart purchases, order online (Online I'm less likely to get things I don't need or impulse shop.)and on sale (also going to try using www.Ebates.com ), waiting until the end of the month, after bills are paid to buy anything, and get him a quality stuff that he can wear as long as possible.
#4 The gym. No way will I ever give up the gym. The gym is so important to me, not just the facility, but the community I have established there. My Gold's Gym is a huge part of my life. But I did cut off my $10/mo tanning add on. Hated to do it, but I knew it was bad for me. It was so unnecessary
And....drum roll please..... in the Spring - I plan to train to be a Les Mills Body Pump instructor.
That's right, I'm going to do it! 2 of my gym friends are training now. One this past weekend, one this coming weekend. Raven and Sarah are 2 very different women and have both encouraged me to go for it. It's something I always fantasized about, then Sarah suggested I train for it, and Raven inspired me to believe it's truly possible.
Raven does not look like your typical fitness instructor. She is on her fitness and weight loss journey, just like the rest of us. She is beautiful, she is strong, she is real, and she is BAD ASS. I love her energy. She is so motivated, and works out like a fiend. (3 hour workouts people - she is addicted! ) You should see that weight she can put on her bar in Pump. She inspires me. If I feel like I'm phoning it in at the gym, I always hope I run into her. that girl is a rockstar. She posted on Facebook all weekend about the process of Body Pump Training, and I am even more excited about the idea now! And I can't wait to take her class!!! She is going to be amazing.
By the way I am trying to get her to blog - she once mentioned she had one and I am dying to read about her thoughts and her journey. If you want to meet Raven too - please comment and let me know - so I can tell her I have readers lined up for her!!
Having such strong people behind me, supporting me and mentoring me is what is going to help get me there. I know Raven and Sarah, as well as my crazy step instructor Ida, and Jen, one of my favorite former Pump instructors (now the group exercise instructor for another Golds) will have my back.
It will be an initial investment of $300. Once you pass, and are cleared to teach, you can teach as a trainee. Then you have 3 months to make a video, and get certified. I am hoping there will be room for me to train in the Spring. You do need the support of your gym where you would be employed. If so, and I get employed by Gold's I no longer have a membership to worry about, and will make a small amount for each class I teach. It is sort of a long term goal, but I really can see it on the horizon. It really aligns with both financial and fitness goals. Not to mention weight loss.

#5 My final new goal is financial and career goal. I am going to apply to teach summer classes at the VA Fine Arts Museum. Andy took classes there over the summer, and we plan to do more this summer. It would be a great challenge to teach those classes as well as be a financial benefit. An art teacher friend who I saw this weekend, was an instructor this summer. She assured me I'd be great for it.

So there are some of my dollar diet ideas and new goals for this year. I've read many online money saving tips. I do most of them already. I am thinking of trying to make my own detergent. Is that too much?
What things do you do to save a few? I know I can do better.

Just Keep Swimming

2010-10-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

This week has been something else. Whew.
Having my car broken into and loosing all my IDs, cards, phone and so much more. (Andy's new ipod touch and one of a kind jewelry was also in my bag.) I cancelled all my cards, reported the serials number and posted I found old IDs and went to order a new license at the DMV. Tuesday I got a new phone (I love my new iphone 4 - thankfully I was eligible for an upgrade.) I tried to work an insurance claim, but with no sign of forcible entry it was denied. Note - if your car get broken into and they didn't smash a window to get in, then find a rock quick and do it yourself.
If that alone wasn't enough to keep me spinning the big meeting with the county operations administrators about school nutrition (which went well by the way and I will write a post about that later)
I had my student teacher's midterm, unexpected reports to write at school, and I overslept an entire hour and a half one morning.
Thursday night was knit night, which I hosted. I love hosting because it makes me clean up my house. Having people over is a sure way to motivate you to tidy up, get that dusting done and reevaluate the stinky old sofa pillow covers. Seriously. OK, so upstairs is still trashed and laundry is far from tackled, but who cares. I sure as hell can't afford a housekeeper, and I think I'm doing a fine job handling everything by myself. Did I just use the single mom thing as an excuse for my messy bedroom and lack of laundry skill? Why yes, yes I did.
So Friday, Andy throws up at school just to top it off. Turns out too much spinning on the tire swing was the culprit. So I still took him to my mom for the weekend. I seriously needed a break.

I didn't make it to the gym this week after Monday. I did however weigh in this am at 186. So something is giving. I started taking vitamins and am back watching points. It really is making such a difference.

I also got the chance to hang out with some art teachers this weekend. Friday night was a lecture at Virgina Museum of Fine Arts, our incredible newly renovated art museum I am so lucky to live near.
Chuck Close and his biographer, Christopher Finch spoke for about an hour about Close's life. I got a signed copy of his biography Life, and a photo with him. Andy asked that I get my picture with him, as we had a wonderful time together seeing the exhibit this summer.
On Saturday was a meeting for the Central Region of VA Art Educators Assoc. I am a board member. It may sound like a snooze fest to most of you, but I love nothing more than hanging

For those of you unfamiliar with Chuck Close, he is an American painter and photographer who is well known for his massive-scale portraits. Though a catastrophic spinal artery collapse in 1988 left him severely paralyzed, he has continued to paint and produce work that remains sought after by museums and collectors. His talk was facinating and students from VCU's MATX (Media Art Text) program have captured the entire event and will post it on VMFA's YouTube site in a few weeks. Next up is Sally Mann. I'm really looking forward to that one.

Having a few days alone after such a crazy week really helped me think and plan things out. I did some meal planning and shopping. I have also started to address the budget diet I am putting myself on and make some headway on that. More on that next time.

It was a crazy assed week. But I survived. Just another week in the life.
Still swimming.

giant fail

2010-09-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

So tonight in my quest to redeem my oversleeping my favorite step class on Sunday and full day of hibernation - I went to the downtown gym's 5:30 Monday class. (this gym has no kids club) This required some persuading of my parents to arrive early and meet me somewhere other than the normal meeting place to take the monkey to boy scouts. This required a bit of rushing. And somehow in all the rushing around I missed a step - because when I returned to my car after step class, my gym bag with purse, iphone, brand new ipod touch, wallet and so on -all gone. My doors were all locked, but were they before class? IDK. FML. I am so broke and so screwed. This blows. The only redeeming thing about tonight is that I had a bottle of wine at the ready and found Dexter season 5 episode 1 on You Tube.
I had no appetite for dinner - so the calories/points went all to the wine.
Good thing step class was extra awesome because it looks as if the rest of the week after school I will be spending figuring out how to get a new id and cards and such. FML. Oh what I said that already? Yeah I meant it twice.

looking back gets you nowhere

2010-09-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

I've been doing too much looking back lately. Looking back on this last year, seeing how little progress I've made with myself, looking at pictures, feeling how I should be so much further along than this. I've also been thinking how long ago it was that Stephen was part of my life, but how long I've let him stay with me mentally. I feel so over it and so not ready to move on. I have let go of goals when I am usually such a goal maker. I'm feeling stuck. It makes it worse that when I feel this way I hibernate and am not very social. Makes the loneliness so much thicker. The next several weeks are really busy. I'm hoping to get lots done and get really motivated. No more looking back. I'm not going there. Time to look forward.

rude awakening - duh!

2010-09-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

I have been tracking what I'm eating and going a little over my calorie goal here and there, (and sometimes blowing it all together) and I just seem to well, maintain this 10 lb gain I earned this summer. The scale teases me. It goes a little down, then back up a little, and over and over again the tease plays out. I am obviously doing something wrong.
I did Weight Watchers forever. It works well for me. (I am a repeat WW'er) My last low of 174 (which I thought I looked great at. ) I did with Weight Watchers. And I wasn't done. I had 10 more to go, but what did I do? I quit Weight Watchers. Awesome for me. Smart. It was right around when I was getting the house. I had the hang of it ya know, and Stephen told me I didn't need it. Convinced me to stop going. I mean he really had a handle on his life and all so you know, I thought he'd be good to listen to. (sheez, can you say sarcasm) Duh I'm such an idiot.
So since then I have been using My Daily Plate. Doing the calorie counting thing, trying to keep a macro nutrient ratio going - all for for about the last year, and it has been much harder. I kinda figured it was age. You know, I've been at this weight loss thing like, I don't know, my whole freaking life. Never been to goal, but hell, I've been at it so long, I must know everything. I have it all figured out. Yeah right, my too tight size 12 jeans fat ass I do. In this past year I have gained, lost, and gained and lost the same weight. I am right where I was now as I was last year. Apparently I have learned nothing.
So, thinking maybe I should take another look at what I am doing, I checked my points against my food yesterday. As usual I was just a little over my calories, but I did go to the gym so I gave myself some slack. But guess what?! 35 points. Rude awakening! No freaking wonder I can't loose anything. Duh.
So back to points I go. I gotta get a handle on this.
I will have to work it without meetings. I know they work, but no one likes the girl with the overactive 7 year old with Asbergers who was born without an inside voice crashing their meetings. And my wallet is as tight as my jeans. I am trying to find places to make cuts, not add to my monthly expenses. Especially since I never know when or what Andy's bio dad is going to pay support. He's still one month behind and appears to be picking a random number to pay, not at all what he is ordered. And back to school nickle and diming is killing me. School supplies, fees, PTA dues, school shirts, after school enrichment classes. Man I am broke.
I want to do it with out as much processed food like I used to rely on. I have been cutting more and more out of my diet, but obviously not finding the right balance in portions, choices, and all that. I can hardly remember what I used to eat on WW - my go to's my favorites... so please, please share yours.

A unique opportunity........

2010-09-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

After our School Superintendent shared some of the improvements being made in school lunches and nutrition this year during the staff convocation, I shared some ideas and info with my school principal and cc'd the Superintendent on the email. It was just sharing some info that was in the movie Supersize Me - and other links.

Here is the actual email:
....................

Here are the links about the Food program I mentioned today at Convocation. I thought you might find it interesting.

Please also see the attachment - it talks more about the program - it's very interesting. Excellent model for healthy eating in schools.

The movie was "Supersize Me"
You can watch it HERE.

this is from the film -

APPLETON CENTRAL ALTERNATIVE HIGH SCHOOL IS FILLED WITH STUDENTS WHO HAVE TRUANCY AND BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. BUT THEY'VE TURNED THINGS AROUND -- NOT THROUGH DISCIPLINE, BUT THROUGH DIET.
WE WERE FORTUNATE TO KIND OF STUMBLE ACROSS THIS HEALTHY PROGRAM AS A RESULT OF SOME CONTACT WITH NATURAL OVEN AND BAKERY OF MANITOWOC WISCONSIN, AND THEY BELIEVE IN LOW-FAT, LOW-SUGAR, NON-CHEMICALLY PROCESSED FOODS THAT ARE FREE OF DYES AND PRESERVATIVES, FULL OF WHOLE GRAINS, A LOT OF FRESH FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. WE DO NO BEEF HERE AT ALL, AND THEN IT'S THE METHOD OF PREPARATION, WHERE WE DON'T FRY. A LOT OF BAKING AND THEN JUST FRESH PREPARATION, AS OPPOSED TO OPENING CANS, OR THAWING THINGS OUT FROM THE BOX.
WE GOT RID OF CANDY MACHINES, SODA MACHINES, BROUGHT IN BOTTLED WATER, AND IT WAS JUST A SITUATION WHERE WE SAW A MAJOR CHANGE IN THE KIDS.
IF YOU WALK THROUGH THESE HALLS, AND YOU'RE HERE, THESE DO NOT LOOK LIKE AT-RISK, OUT-OF-CONTROL KIDS. THEIR BEHAVIORS ARE BETTER THEY SEEM TO BE MORE FOCUSED TEACHERS WILL TELL YOU THAT THEY GET MORE OUT OF THEM IN THE CLASS.
KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS NOT A PRIVATE SCHOOL THESE ARE THE "TROUBLED KIDS"
OF THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM IN APPLETON, WISCONSIN,THAT ARE EATING SO WELL.
AND IT COSTS ABOUT THE SAME AS ANY OTHER SCHOOL LUNCH PROGRAM.
SO MY QUESTION IS -- WHY ISN'T EVERYONE DOING THIS?

There are some USDA grants available for school gardens:
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fns/outreach/grants/garden.htm
it could be really interesting to get local companies right here in Richmond like http://www.backyardfarmer.us/ and http://www.farmtofamilyonline.com/ (to name just a few) involved in getting our County going in a healthier direction.

Another link:
The Lunch Box is an online toolkit with Healthy Tools For All Schools, packed with solutions at your fingertips.

One more film everyone should see:
Food Inc - it will change the way you look at food.
.......................

Well what happened after that has been a huge surprise.
I am now having lunch at the end of this month with the Assistant Superintendent, the Director of Construction and Maintenance, and the Director of School Nutrition Services!!!!
Our School Nutrition Services in this school system is an 18.2 million dollar non-profit business. The staff of 500 prepares and serves over 7,000 breakfasts and 24,400 lunches to students every day.
And they are actually interested enough in my ideas to come have lunch with ME.

I have asked to invite the Lilly's from Farm To Family.

I am beside myself. What a unique opportunity!

I am approaching this with common sense and practicality, but also thinking big ideas.
I was a fat kid who ate free school lunch. My mom made 11,000 a year and had 3 kids at home to feed. Like the kids I teach, we ate what they gave us and what we could afford. I battle my weight as an adult. I am a single mom going broke trying to feed my boy healthy food and teach him healthy habits. I am not an expert. I am a mom and a teacher concerned about health and nutrition.

I want to see all chocolate and strawberry milks gone - they have 26 grams of sugar per serving! A non diabetic adult should only have 40 grams of sugar a day. Our kids have chocolate milk for breakfast and lunch. Also offering better lower sugar breakfasts. And nutrition education!
That's just to start.....

What things concern you regarding school nutrition and what would you like to see happen to improve it?

Frustration, confession, and disclosure

2010-09-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

So this week I am really not doing so hot. I'm frustrated with myself, dissapointed and feeling generally like crap about myself. Whoo hoo. Way to be positive.
I feel so out of shape. I am achy and sore and my energy is down. Although, I workout more than most people, I feel like I am in far worse shape. It's not fair. And that type of thinking is part of my problem. I cannot compare myself to others. I am feeling defeated and am really struggling with getting motivated to keep going. But I know that giving up all together is not an option. It's stepping it up that I can't seem to do. I feel like a big failure. This is not me. I need to get it together.
This week the scale read 192 again. Back up the 3 I saw drop last week. I do think it could be bloat. I am eating okay - for the exception of last night's splurge/binge, and the wine I had this week. It's my TOM so that could very well be contributing to my blah's and scale spike.
However, I just took a look at My Daily Plate. It looks like I am averaging a little over 1600 calories a day - around 200 over what I should be doing. I need to get real about it.
* Goal - This week I plan to drop 200 cal a day by making some simple substitutions and getting real about every little BLT (bites, licks and tastes)
I am still not back in to groove with my workouts. Not consistent and not working as hard as I used to.
Saturday I did cycle (60 min)
Sunday I did Body Step and Body Pump (120 min)
Monday I only had time for the treadmill on an incline - no running still (40 min)
Tuesday I did Body Pump and Body Step (120 min) - but skipped out on the end of step
Wednesday I stayed late at work and had no gym bag - so I forgave myself and took a day off. I stayed up late to sew. And I broke the no coffee pledge.
Thursday I had an unexpected faculty meeting and again I didn't have a gym bag and went home. I came home and cleaned for 2 hours.
Friday I did Body Step, (60 min) but then went out for beer and wings and topped it all off with a cookies and cream milkshake. Seriously I could've just had a McD's cone and done so much less damage.
This morning I slept in, so I'm going to mow the lawn.
The weeks total - worked out 5 days -400 min of excercise- only 2 days of strength and 5 days of cardio.
*Goal - I plan to do 4 strength training workouts and 5 cardio workouts = 540 min of exercise.
Really I think the bottom line is I'm just not being honest with myself. I let things slip over the summer, and forgave myself too much for not getting to the gym and for too frequent splurges and I honestly have left off too many bites and snacks that I am being mindless of.

And here is the dish. I really was not going to put this out there, because I am not interested in hearing anyone's critism of my decision. But in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, which is more for myself than for any readers here goes...
I am having a tummy tuck in December. December 22nd to be exact. I met with a doctor around my birthday. I have been tossing around doing it this for a while and decided this was going to be the year. I know there are people who are totally against plastics. I know there are people who support plastics for people who have reached goal and have not been able to get rid of their excess skin with exercise. I want to loose at least 10 lbs by then. 15 would be ideal. No, it's not my goal weight. My lowest weight to date has been 175. My goal weight is 165. I will have that skin even at 165. I have a panniculus, skin on my lower abdomen that hangs down and is all stretched out. I always know it's there. It sits in my lap when I am siting. I have to buy underwear that covers the bulge or it looks worse, I am constantly aware of it, and it almost feels like it's not even part of my own body. I think about it all the time. I can hide it some, I can wear girdles, and I often do, but I know it's there and it makes me horribly uncomfortable. I don't even want to get into my body image in regards to sex, not that I'm having any. To be honest I don't think that lower portion of my tummy looked that much different prior to pregnancy. I have always had it. I have been overweight nearly all of my life, and have gained and lost weight several times. I don't remember my stomach ever looking different than is does now, regardless of weight. I have never had and even remotely flat tummy. Then there is also a bulge above my belly button that is the result of diastasis recti from pregnancy. Which really makes me even lumpier and bumpier. The skin is looks like worn out elastic on the upper and lower part of my belly. You should see how it hangs like a cow utter when I do a plank at the gym.
I have met the doctor already, and am very excited. I don't expect this to do any miracles for weight loss, and I will still be focusing on reaching goal weight, but this surgery will greatly improve the contour of my body, improve how I look in my clothes and give me so much more confidence. I actually am not expecting to loose any weight or size, just change the shape of things and remove that stretched out skin.
The doctor will remove the excess skin in my lower abdomen with an incision from hip to hip, just under where the flap is now and repair the split linea alba which should flatten my stomach out and hopefully improve my waistline. No more hanging skin when I do a plank at the gym! I will also get a new belly button. Usually the doctor said most women also need lipo on the flanks , a region of the posterior torso (lower back above your buttocks), but he didn't think I needed that. He will do a little lipo on the fat pad on my pubic area, so I will sort of have a prettier hoo-ha too. Weird. I will not be perfect, I will still have plenty of work to do, I am realistic about what results I will have, and I feel it's totally worth it.
I will be out of the gym and having to take it easy for 6 weeks. So I really want to get my weight down before the surgery. Though not working out for so long sort of freaks me out, I think the rest will be good for my body, and hopefully I can get back to work in the gym with out all the muscle strains, aches and pains I have been battling. I am hoping to work back up to running in time to do some of the Spring runs. I will basically be starting over in the gym in February.
I will be unable to really go anywhere over the holiday break. My mother is going to help with Andy and help care for me the first few days through Christmas. My plan is to get all ready for the holidays before the surgery, so I can just relax and heal. I will stay home and take it easy, and Andy will have a blast enjoying being home playing with his Christmas goodies. I don't think it will bother or impact him at all. He is actually aware of that part of my belly and notices it frequently. I have even told him I plan to have an operation to remove it. And I think he understands. He says I am a "little bit fat" - just in my belly. He knows it got stretched out when he was in my tummy and that I have tried to exercise to get rid of it, but it is just simply stretched out too much.
I am not sure I want to post this, but oh well, here goes;

There it is. I am not small but not huge either. I am not totally sucking it in or letting it all hang out. I weigh around 190. I am 5'8' and I have a relatively large frame. I wear a size 12 shoe and a pretty solid size 12 clothing and size large. 10 pounds less than this at 180 I can wear most mediums, and size 10. But that part right there, those lumpy bumps, don't go away no matter what I do or what size I am. I want it gone so I can move on and feel as fit as I am. I want to look better in my clothes whether it's a 12 or a 10, medium or large. I want to know what it's like to not have that skin in my lap.
Something like this;

To me that's an enormous improvement. It it a game changer for my body image.
The cost will be $6,600. That's on the lower end of the cost range for this type of cosmetic surgery since I don't need extra lipo. Yes that is a lot of money. Yes I am a single mom. Yes, surgery can be dangerous. Yes, that is a really crazy thing to spend that much money on. But I deserve it. I am confident in my body's ability to heal. I know I am in good physical condition and I should heal well. I am tired of waiting for the right time. It is something I have always hoped to do, so I am going to do it now and enjoy it now. I have been researching it for a while, I have spoken to people who have done it, and have found a doctor who came highly recommended by my OBGyn. I have accepted that I am done having children. At 36, I am not dating and with my history, I need to let go of planning on a bigger family and move on planning for my life with just Andy and I. I am good with that now. I have embraced it. I am so much happier now that I don't feel like my clock is ticking and wondering if and when I will meet and marry someone so that I can have more children. I am good. Our life is wonderful and special with the two of us as we are.
How am I going to pay for this? I am starting sewing again and will do shows and sell my work on my Monkey and Me etsy shop until I repay myself for the expense. For those of you who do not know, I used to make and am making again, handmade baby goods and children's clothing, under the name The Monkey and Me. I quit sewing 2 years ago, shortly after I met Stephen to focus on my personal life. I still have plenty of fabric and supplies, so I don't have start up expenses. My business was never very profitable, it just provided me a creative and social outlet and a little additional funds to spend on doing fun things with Andy, and a few small extras I could not otherwise afford. Most of the out of town shows I did were fun for me, and like a get away I could otherwise not afford. I am not charging it on credit and paying interest. The Care Credit program that my doctor accepts has a really high interest rate. I do have some money left from my grandparents inheritence, but I need to pay that back as I have never had a savings before and don't want to blow it all. I spent most of it on my house, and furnishings, and travel. So to do this for myself, I will earn it. I am planning on 2 shows this winter, and hope to earn 1/2 - 1/3 the cost and then do the Spring Summer shows for the rest. I know it will be a lot of work. It may very well take more than a year. But I really want this for myself.
So wish me luck, and um, you know where to go for gifts and custom clothing!! Check me out at The Monkey and Me. Look back for new stuff being posted!

big ol second grader

2010-09-13T14:26:00.001-07:00

My little guy as a second grader here, and all his missing teeth. Too stinkin cute.

Finding my groove again

2010-09-11T06:08:00.000-07:00

So the kids went back to school this week, and I am back in my groove in my classroom. I have a student teacher, and I have my fingers crossed that she'll start to impress me soon. So far, she hasn't taught yet. Andy is in second grade, we love our new teacher, and we still have the wonderful Miss G as his one to one behavioral aide. He lost another tooth, which gives him the craziest smile. He says he has Spongebob teeth, as the 2 permanent front teeth are huge and now really stand out since the two neighboring teeth on either side have been lost in the past 2 weeks.
And I am doing my damnedest to get back into my own groove health and weight wise. So far this week it looks like I lost 3 pounds. Thank goodness. But I still need to tighten up.
I had a snowcone, 2 1/2 cupcakes, and a piece of tiramisu, and sushi twice this week. It's a miracle my weight is dropping.
I switched from coffee to tea. I use way to much junk in my coffee - too much creamer. Even the fat free stuff adds up far too much. It was a small change I knew I could make and there are so many great teas to try. I love the Yogi Ginger and Peach Detox teas. So far so good.
Andy and I both packed lunches. I always do that, but Andy used to love school lunches. I can't stand the thought of him eating that processed crap-o-la anymore. I used to justify it, with the idea that it saved me time and money, and I feed him well at home. But I really want to do better and have him learn better choices, so he won't have as much trouble with his weight as I did. By the time I was his age I was already a fat kid. He got a lunch box for his birthday, so he agreed to try taking lunch. And he really loved it! I actually pack us both breakfast and lunch. So much for saving time.
I was going to have Andy get breakfast at school ,which is free, but when I questioned him about what they serve at school I was not about to let him start his day that way. Donuts, cinnamon buns, chicken biscuits. He promised he's only eat cereal, but the two cereal choices are Frosted Flakes and Fruit Loops. And I know at my school how the kids pour chocolate milk on them. No wonder kids can't focus at school. So we made a trip to the store to find breakfasts. I told Andy he could choose any cereal he wanted as long as it had 6 grams or less of sugar, and taught him how to read the labels. Educational for both of us.
Andy has been eating organic frozen waffles with jam, and morning star farms sausage. I'm working on coming up with new grab and go breakfasts for him. Maybe bagels, homemade muffins. I want to find a way to make healthier hot pockets. He loves them but I can't stand to feed him that junk anymore.
Lunches have been our own deli meat with cheese with wheat crackers, in a divided container that makes it look like a lunchables - another junk product he loves, and I'm trying to teach him better alternatives. I added carrots and grape tomatoes, a cliff Z bar and some raisins. So far it actually costs more than buying lunch, but hopefully if I stock up it will at least even out. I'm really trying.
My breakfast has been hardboiled egg, laughing cow, ezekiel bread and a tomato. With a cup of tea of course. Lunch has been a mixture, usually leftovers, a salad, and Friday I brought store bought sushi.
I am doing my best to get to the gym. Ok, ok, I could do better. But I'm still quite achy. I don't remember ever being this sore before. I am still doing my physical therapy stretches, but I should do them more. my hamstrings are so tight. My right foot is so sore and I'm often limping after a good workout, after school, and when I wake up. It sucks the motivation right out of me. I am going back to see the therapist soon. I feel so weak and out of shape.
I missed Friday's step class thanks to a late daycare van at my school. I had to stay with the kids and didn't have enough time to grab a gym bag. I pick my boy up from school and go right to the gym which is on that side of town, but I live too far to turn around and go back, so if I don't have a gym bag, I am screwed. Note to self - keep an emergency bag in the car. I also missed Tuesday. I was a bit overwhelmed with the first day of school, and Andy lost the babysitters money I sent with him, so I was upset. Instead I had sushi and a piece of tiramisu with some (ok maybe a bottle of) red wine. Yeah, I still have a lot of room for improvement.

I've fallen and.... I'm gonna get up if it kills me

2010-09-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

Well, after blowing the Summer Challenge, I sort of stopped blogging, ashamed and embarrassed and feeling left behind. So cliche. That's not the only thing I stopped doing though as I'm sure you can guess. Going to the gym became a rarity, and food - well nothing was off limits, portions went wild, and I logged none of it. Ice cream and snow cones abounded, and I totally binged my entire birthday week.
Summer is now over and I have gained 10(ish) pounds. The 10 that was so hard to loose was found so easily. Damnit. Frustration has hit me hard, and I have had a really hard time getting it back together. I'm disappointed, depressed, often browsing the isles of weight loss books in what ever Target/Barnes and Noble/retailer I am in thinking to myself, what's the use. My nurses at my Dr's office even said, maybe this is your body's happy weight. Really? 192 - happy? I think not. Happy is far from what I have been this past month.
Now we did enjoy our summer, don't get me wrong. Lots of travel and fun. Best summer ever. I just wish I didn't have to eat so much when I'm having fun. But its time to put those trips away, forgive myself for the past and move on to my next adventure.
So today, though I skipped the gym to lay low at home, I logged all my food, and still counting. It's a step. I have to track what I eat. I have to or it doesn't work. And tomorrow, I will go to the gym for Step and Pump classes, and log my food. And an old favorite instructor at another gym has invited me to come to some classes Monday. And Tuesday is back to school. Back to schedules and routines and healthy habits.
I have plans for this year. And it's time to get back up and get at it.

wednesday weigh in - week 11 LHAS

2010-07-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible at blogging, we are staying so busy. Since we've been home, we've had plenty of birthday parties, visits with my parents, a trip to the Bay with some girls, and of course, the gym and the pool. This week Andy is taking a class at the newly reopened and beautifully renovated Virginia Museum of fine Art , Crazy for Collage. I have taken the opportunity to finally look around since I have to mornings free. it's such a fantastic museum, and the years of renovations and the year it was closed completely, were totally worth it. It's wonderful! Seriously top notch! Monday I went to the Tiffany exhibit, then explored with Andy after lunch together in the cafe (once again, outstanding!). Tuesday I met up with a friend who is waiting on the arrival of her fashionably late baby girl, and today I was confident enough to leave him at the museum, so I went to the gym. I have finally gotten around to going to Farm To Family which I was delighted to discover is quite close to my house and has a fantastic philosophy based on community and clean eating. Do check them out. Heck, you can even read about them in the week's People Magazine which also has a picture of my friend Sharon and her 2 kiddos on the bus. So I am eating loads of yummy local veggies and really working on being more resourceful, organic, and healthy. I also just bought Andy and I bikes today.
Andy and I are headed to VA Beach next week for a few days, so I will have to weigh in a day early, but we're planning on packing a cooler, and we're staying at a campground so eating won't be too off.

So finally this week's weigh in 184 - which is still up 3 lbs from when I left for our trip, but down 5 from last week.
I got in 465 minutes of activity this week! Super proud of myself there.

First weigh in back - Oh dear lord

2010-07-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ok - so here I am, one week back from the big trip, and back from a few days at the Northern Neck of VA on the Chesapeake Bay with my girlfriends. It's 2:00 in the afternoon, and I've had lots of water and just ate lunch. I typically weigh in first thing in the morning. But it's time to be honest. So I just weighed in.
189, that is an 8 lb gain for three weeks.

I went to the gym once, for a step class I was 10 min late to, that's 50 min of exercise, plus maybe 20 min of kayaking, for a whopping 70 min of exercise.

Is all lost? I sure hope not. I am hoping to get back on track this week. Starting now, starting today. I am tracking today as best as I can, and getting my but to the gym. We have a birthday party on Saturday, and Andy wants to go back to Nana's to finish the "Welcome Home Andy" Spongebob sculpted cake he is working on with my mom. Seriously - pictures to follow later. So that may mean going out of town yet again. I just want to get my groove back.

As of right now - I am 2.5 pounds HEAVIER than I was at the start of the LHAS challenge. It took me 7 weeks to loose those 5 pounds. And I found them in 3 plus 2.5 more. Here's to hoping I'm still retaining water and my afternoon weigh in is just really heavy.

I just checked the gym schedule, and am going to Zumba at 6:30, with an instructor I've never had and a time much later than I normally go. That class is followed by a total body challenge class with a favorite instructor who is now teaching at a later time. That will give me the time to rest this afternoon, and 2 classes, which I love and will get my blood flowing.

Now I'm off to dig into that farm fresh watermelon I've had sitting here. Watermelon is only 80 calories for 2 big cups, and a natural diuretic. And I plan to log it in my journal too.

MIA

2010-07-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well our trip was amazing, more about that later. Too much to talk about now.
We returned Thursday morning. Still fighting off the jet lag here Sunday, and not back on track yet. I've made it to the gym once, but waking up late is messing me up. And there have been 3 birthday parties since our return (2 good grown up ones that involved much Blackberry wine) and tomorrow we go to the River for 2 days for a last minute good time. Fun, fun, fun. I am so excited.
We still have the Nags Head Pirate week in August, lots of pool days, projects around the house, Andy's birthday, my birthday, and a few other short trips I want to take. This is a great summer.
I am off track my normal eating schedule and off the gym too. I miss them both, and am ready to get my groove back. I did gain around 5 lbs on the trip and there is much damage control to do. My LHAS goal was 10 lbs. I think I can still pull it off, but first, the river. I promise to eat well and get some exercise.
Be back soon.

Awesomeness on the road

2010-06-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Just a quick check in this morning. We have spent a few nights in campground cabins, and doing lots of driving, like over 600 miles so far, and there hasn't been too much time to get any exercise in. Last night we checked into a hotel. There was an indoor pool, and I had Any count 10 laps for me, and then I walked the pool the rest of the time we were in it. This morning, I am going to get in 30 min in the fitness center. And then we're back on the road, about a 3 hour drive till we reach the spot we will horseback ride today. Pretty excited about that. Food wise I haven't been doing so hot. We kinda did the Doughnut Tour of the Pacific Northwest. That aside, we have been eating our own food from our own cooler, so at least there is some control with what is available. But I haven't been tracking and am definitely over my limits. At least we aren't stopping at Roadside diners the whole time. We have stopped twice at restaurants and made pretty good choices. Today we will picnic too. Ok, I have to get down to that fitness center or I will be really mad at myself.
Go check out our Flicker collection of the trip and see what we've been up to. I will try to give more details later.

Seattle - West coast adventure part one

2010-06-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

Departure and our visit with GinShoo

Finally our trip!!! I was so excited and nervous the day we left, I was so worried I would forget something - I totally forgot to eat. I finished cleaning for Jena, Jon and Kai to house sit, finished packing and repacking (proud to say I packed the 2 of us for 2 weeks in one checked bag and one carry on.) and showered and did my hair. My hair takes a long time to dry and I don't do it everyday. My mom came to pick us up at 3:30, and of course I forgot to get the dishes in the dishwasher put away and load the dishes in the sink, so I would up leaving dirty stuff for Jena. So not cool. I realized I didn't eat, but I figured we had time to grab something at the airport. We had trouble checking in, and only got our boarding passes for Atlanta. Not much time to grab a snack. We were delayed leaving Richmond so when we arrived in Atlanta there was only enough time to get to the next concourse to check in. We landed in Concourse A and had to get to Concourse E. I assumed there would be food on the plane but I assumed wrong. A 5 hour flight with only drink and snack service. Really? I will be sure to pack snacks for the flight home.

We arrived in Seattle at 10:30 pm west coast time, which in east coast time is of course 1:30 am on the east coast. Stomachs Empty. My high school friend Ginny lives in Seattle and we were staying with her, her husband Bill and adorable 4 year old Nolan. Ginny was waiting for us at baggage claim. Andy was unable to sleep on the flight and was so excited to get there he was wide awake the whole ride to Ginny's too. I have no idea what fuel he was running on. Ginny had a bottle of wine waiting so after getting Andy to bed, we stayed up till 3am drinking wine and talking. Back in high school Ginny and I both worked as portrait artists at Busch Gardens Williamsburg, and after work we would go with our friends to Dunkin Doughnuts and drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and talk till 3am. It was just like the old days, except we polished off 2 bottles of wine instead.

The next day, we woke up and drank tons of coffee, and readied our selves to go downtown. Ginny lives in West Seattle, a really lovely part of town. We took a short drive to downtown, first stop Top Pot Doughnuts. Andy loves the Starbucks apple fritters and Top Pot is who makes them. So we had to go and get Andy his favorite treat, hot and fresh.

We pit stopped afterwards to see the "Frazier view" as Ginny called it. I lookout point that you can see the whole city from. At that point, Nolan who had been running a bit of a temperature the night before was not feeling well, and our hangovers kicked in hard. Especially me. The combo of lack of sleep, food, and 2 bottles of wine didn't fare well with me, so we returned home for a nap. After a lovely miraculously healing nap, and a fantastic grilled cheese lunch Ginny made for me, we were ready to continue the day. Andy actually did not nap, and he even had woken up at 7:00am, which was pretty amazing considering he got so little sleep the day before. He did get some downtime drawing and playing while we napped. Nolan was still not feeling well, so Ginny took us down to Pike place Market and gave us directions to the Space Needle. Andy and I hit the first Starbucks, looked around the market and headed to the Monorail. The weather was stunning. In the morning it was cool enough for jeans and a long sleeve shirt - but by the afternoon it was warm and I no longer needed my long sleeve shirt - so I had to buy a tee shirt just so I would sweat to death. We went up to the top of the Space Needle to check out the view. Quite beautiful and so clear that you could see Mt Rainier that day, which is an unusual sight, as it's usually covered in clouds. it was beautiful, but it was $27 to go up and Andy was over it in 5 minutes. Next up was the maze in front of the Experience Music Project. We didn't get to go in, though Ginny had passes for us. Not enough time, and I think it would have been lost on Andy anyhow, with all his lack of sleep. And we were off to meet Bill. We rode back to the house together where Ginny had Salmon on the grill for us. We decided against going out as we were both wiped out, still paying for our wine the night before. Instead we took the kids out to ice cream and called it a night.

Friday, Bill took me to get the car for our odyssey. I requested a red car, since Andy had this idea that we needed to take Lightning McQueen to California. So we have a red Ford Focus.

It took us a while to leave Ginny's once we finally got the car. They were going camping and aren't as get up and go as I am. Bill went out and got a fantastic lunch for us from a local market. Smoked pulled pork BBQ. Folks in Seattle eat good.

We finally headed out but still had to stop for provisions. We stopped by a local organic market, but I was a little stunned at the high grocery prices. And we still needed to hit WalMart for some other things. The WalMart stop was hell, and when we finally hit the road, it was 4:00. Really not good at all, we should have left at 1:00 - we ran in to hours of traffic and didn't get to Portland until 8:00. We had a yummy dinner at the Laughing Planet. I had the Che Guevara - brown rice, black beans, plantains, sweet potatoes and spicy barbecue sauce, pico de gallo. it was awesome, but I was good and only ate 1/2 saving the rest for lunch. Well, I was good considering how bad my plans were. We had to make another doughnut stop. The Pacific Northwest Tour of Doughnut shops. We had to go to VooDoo Doughnuts and get a sampling. We got a VooDoo Doll doughnut, a Captain Crunch Berry doughnut, a Bacon Maple bar, and a Diablos Rex.

We finally arrived at the KOA at 11:30. More traffic after Portland thank to the night time roadwork we

encountered due to still being on the road so late. I will follow my instincts from now on and get started early. The KOA cabin we are in is adorable. I only wish we were staying in more campgrounds now. We'll get to the next one much earlier tonight so we can really enjoy it.

I'm waiting for Andy to wake up now so we can have our treats for breakfast. I may have had the

Diablos Rex while we were stuck in traffic.

So much for being healthy. I will get better. Exercise will be found today, one way or another.

Today we explore Oregon's Coast. And our first view of the Pacific Ocean.

Weigh In Wednesday and bon voyage!!

2010-06-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

Okay - so This AM I got 181.0 - that's actually a loss of .5 I'll take it.
This was a stressful week, and I was cleaning out the cupboards and not eating so great - I am happy I maintained. Activity is always key with weeks like that.
My activity was 360 min

So today (if I ever finish packing) we leave for our 2 week trip to the west coast. Just my son and I.
Tonight we arrive in Seattle, where we will hang out with my friend Ginny, then Friday we rent a car and drive down the Pacific coast. A stop off in Oregon to visit with the Sea Lions and see the Prehistoric Gardens, then on to The Redwood Forest and the Trees of Mystery, Horseback riding in Mendocino followed by a stay at The Andiron. And that's just the beginning - there's still San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Montery, San Luis Obispo, and finally LA! We'll be staying a few days and visiting with my awesome cousins Brad and Heather and their 2 boys. 16 days packed filled with excitement!

I will blog as much as I can and tweet/foursquare/facebook/flickr all along the way.

Though this trip is all about the kiddo, and I'm sure there will be all kinds of treats and off plan eating, I am planning on buying a cooler and stocking it with goodies for the road and picnic lunches. Andy would rather picnic than eat at a roadside diner anyways. I am going to do my best to get activity in and promise to use every hotel gym that there is, and I'm bringing 30 shred with me, because there's no excuse to not do 20 min if I can't get in anything else. I may even buy hand weights when we pitstop to do the cooler and road provisions. And I am going to track as much as possible on my iphone.

I will be delighted if I can maintain on this trip.
I am finally making progress - this trip is about adventure - not food. I will remind myself of that throughout - and I'll keep you guys posted on how I'm doing.

Now, I have to get back to packing and cleaning house.

Rock the Vote for Kelle!

2010-06-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a blog follower of hers - go vote for this woman - she is amazing.

Kelle Hampton - Enjoying the Small Things

She's doing the Oprah Your Own Show contest - you really should vote for her - seriously - do it NOW.

And if you haven't read her story - read THIS, but get a tissue first.

In a pickle

2010-06-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I feel like I'm doing exactly the same things now as I've been doing all year - but finally I am seeing the scale move. The only thing I've really been doing that different is focusing on savory foods - especially eating lots of pickles. Really I've gone through several jars and am snacking on them daily. I couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with the new kickstart I seem to have gotten - and what do you know?...

Check out these articles:
Vinegar and Pickles: Weight Loss Solutions?
The Benefits of Drinking Pickle Juice
Pickles: a Healthy Snack With Snap

I had never heard of that before - and not that I'm saying I'm going on a pickle diet, drinking pickle juice or anything like that - but I will keep snacking on these babies all summer long.

School has finally wrapped up for the year! Yesterday was our last day and now I can finally enjoy summertime!!

Our trip is in just a few days and I have a ridiculous amount of stuff to do to get ready.I have to clean the house for my awesome friends Jena and John who are dog/house sitting for the 2 weeks we are gone. They are amazing. I'm hoping to blog a little while I'm gone and keep you posted on what's up. I'm so excited. I need to go pack and stop screwing around on the computer - I should be cleaning. But today is fun stuff - getting my hair and nails done and some trip shopping.

And my girl friend's baby - so wonderful. He's gorgeous, she's doing great, and she's got lots of love and support around her. Pictures soon...

Something's clicking - Wednesday Weigh in

2010-06-16T05:23:00.000-07:00

So something's clicking! I am feeling things moving and shifting. I am really excited. I feel like I might just be back in the weight loss groove - vs maintaining like I have been.

Drum roll please....
This week's LHAS Weigh in.....
I weighed this AM at 181.5! That's a loss of 2 lbs!
My activity minutes were only 245 - (I did not factor in the 1 1/2 hours of hiking on Thursday's field trip though) And I did not track my food as well as usual. But I am eating a little less, and satisfied with it. I am trying to focus on savory foods that make me feel satisfied, like marinated mushrooms and pickles and hummus. There was a playdate Friday with pizza and ice cream, a picnic Saturday - but I didn't over indulge at either. I have had treats but apparently I have also found balance.

I leave for our trip in one week. I am hoping to keep it together, but now that I feel like I'm on a roll here - I believe I will. I will be happy to maintain on vacation. I know I need to stay active - and I plan to work that in. One way or another.

I am finally where I was a year ago. I am overcoming the damage of the last year and finding a way to get past it. That's such a good feeling.

I bought a new pair of size 10 jeans that make me feel great, and even though I shouldn't, I think I may pick up a few things this weekend for the trip. I have 2 pair of size 10 J Crew shorts from last year that sort of fit, but aren't quite right. I feel like maybe I should pick up a pair of 12s, but I am on the fence. I should probably look at a consignment shop first.

My friend had her baby boy last night. I am going to see them today. She had a long labor and finally a c section. Fortunately her Sister in Law is staying with her. Hopefully she can stay through her recovery. I can't wait to meet the little guy. And to see my girlfriend as a momma.
I know my boy has transformed my life. I can't even remember what life was like before him.

Wednesday Weigh in LHAS

2010-06-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

LHAS Weigh In Day!!

It's time again!

183.0 = -1.5
A loss! Finally!
Activity = 320 min

I made good choices, I still indulged, but carefully. Friday I had friends over. We grilled and snacked, but I did go to step class first, and we made good choices. I also only had one glass of wine and instead enjoyed some iced tea which was more refreshing. Saturday we had a soccer picnic. I had a burger, but was surprised how full I was after. I am team parent (yes, apparently I am a soccer mom), so I organized the party, brought all the food, and my mom made that awesome cake. I did have cake - too much. I fought my mom to make her broccoli salad that I love, lighter instead of her high fat version, and I won. We agreed that when they aren't side by side you can't tell. Hoping to get her to lighten up more recipes. This was a step. Instead of going out to eat Sunday with my friend and her kids, we stayed in and I fixed us all a fabulously healthy lunch of leftovers and pawned off a bunch of cake on the kids. Then we joined the pool. I walked the length of the pool several times, but didn't count it as activity. I squeezed the gym in between switching schools Monday, shh don't tell. But I got in a much needed workout. I chose to skip dessert Monday when we ate out for the school fundraiser, at a restaurant known for awesome desserts. My family was willing, but I held out. Instead I treated Andy to a Mc Donald's cone on the way home. I split 2 entrees with my mom, and didn't eat much of the higher fat dish that to my dismay was covered n cream sauce. I scraped the sauce off and ate the chicken cutlet, and left the sauce and the other cutlet for mom. I did a double workout yesterday, body pump and body step - 2 hours - and when my post workout snacking satisfied me, I stopped eating. I usually make dinner anyways. Not this time.

We're down to 7.5 days of school. I am so ready to be done! Today is the last day of testing.
Tomorrow I go with my son and the entire first grade class on a 12 hour field trip to Natural Bridge, VA. To many people this may sound like a nightmare, but for real, this is going to be great! I love his school. Most every child will have a parent with them, and the parents are just as excited as the kids, maybe more. We will take a tour bus, and the parents and kids will get to socialize on the bus. We're packing snacks, gathering activities for the ride and bringing the camera, so I'll be sure to post them soon!

Hope everyone has a positive weigh in Wednesday!!

Vanilla Cone Love

2010-06-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

$1.53 for 2 cones - 150 calories a piece?!
Those cones are so good - it's my favorite treat to get with Andy - and I love treats.
But it sounds too good to be true.

Please don't tell me it's wrong.

Allow me to share :

Ode to McDonald’s Ice Cream Cones and How I Love Thee

From A Duck In Her Pond

Cake

2010-06-06T17:51:00.000-07:00

My mom is the best baker ever. And she made the end of soccer season picnic cake for my son's team. The Firebreathing Leopards.

I got the left overs. I don't want to talk about how much cake I've eaten these last 2 days. I am ashamed. The icing is so good it's like a drug.

And I haven't been to the gym in 2 days.

And I was doing so well.
Can I still recover?

Tatsy Thursday and Terrific News!!

2010-06-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

First of all, tonight was knit night, with my lovely K1 D2 girls and our awesome hostess Knitorious MEG, served the yummiest Bacon Horseradish dip. It was like crack. I could have eaten it with a spoon. It was Heluva Good Horseradish Bacon - but I knew that something that was that good, wasn't good for you. I immediately thought I could replicate it lighter, so on the way home I hit the grocery store (which I had to do anyways) and got stuff to make the dip. (I am having guests Friday night, so we'll eat it up.) It's so yummy!
Here's my version - 1/2 the calories and 1/5th th fat of the name brand - and as good if not better than the original.

bacon horseradish dip

delish dip with pretzels, carrots, green beans - yum!!

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cooking Time: 0 minutes

Serves: 8
Yield 2 cups

Ingredients

The next thing is big news for Team Andy! Thanks to Paw Paw's efforts, Team Andy was the largest fundraiser!! Andy will get a trophy for his team!

We raised $5,480.00!!!

The 2010 Autism Society Run/Walk for Autism was an amazing event! Over 1700 people registered this year and over $50,000 was raised for the chapter.

Go Go Team Andy!

Wednesday Weigh in

2010-06-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

184.5 again - same number - no loss no gain
645 minutes of activity

I don't feel like I over ate too much even though I went to 2 BBQs and ate out. I didn't track but I made good choices. I did kick ass on the activity, and that feels good.
I know what I did - I drank too much. End of story. So that's that. I am cutting drinking. I will allow a possiblity Friday - as I am having friends over and maybe one or two at the end of the year party next weekend. But no casual boozin, no wine in the evenings, no more.
Frustrated, but I know my failure and it won't happen again this week.

I'd love to leave for my trip at 180. It's in only 3 weeks. Same as last summer.
I'm mapping out when we will eat out and where we can make Trader Joes stops, and what food we will eat on the road. I am working on strategies.
The planning part of a vacation is the most fun for me. I obsess over it. I am mapping it out obsessively on TripIt , the best site ever for planning a trip. I have just a few more details to work out
and we're all set.

This weekend's 5K was awesome. Team Andy rocked it out. I did not run. I walked with my boy and most of our team. My parents, one of my oldest friends, some of my incredible teacher friends and families, the world's best babysitter, and the super girls of the Gold's Gym Kids Club all walked or ran for Team Andy. Andy was a riot. He struggled. It was a long walk for a 6 year old and he tires quickly. We carried him, Paw Paw gave him shoulder rides, but I got him to do most of it and we blasted the last half mile and he even sprinted to the finish line. In addition Team Andy raised over $5200.00 largely thanks to Paw Paw the fundraising machine! Incredible. We will do it again next year for sure.

The Memorial Day weekend was awesome too. We had the walk, then 2 of the best cookouts ever! I had a ton of fun, and I will deal with the fact that I didn't loose this week, because I know I have the tools to do what's right, and enjoy without gaining.

I am 20 lbs from my ultimate goal. And I know it make take me a while to get there, but I will stay there when I do, because I can handle the maintainence already. How's that for a positive spin?

Thank goddness for Hungry Girl

2010-05-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine if we were still eating this crap? Good lord - I think I'd rather be fat.

Weight Watchers recipes from the year I was born.
View more HERE complete with hilarious commentary.

I never was a science girl

2010-05-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ok so here's the science:

You need to have a 3500 calorie deficit to lose a pound.

My Base Metabolic Rate for my weight is 1617 x 7 = 11303/week
Last week I consumed 9536 net calories
That's only a deficit of 1767

so there you go - I need to eat less and work out more.
stupid science

Seriously? Weigh in Wednesday

2010-05-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Weigh In for LHAS Challenge
This is Bull s%!#
I need a new scale

185.5 = +1

445 minutes of activity (100 of which was mowing the lawn - but I count that totally)

I feel good, totally thought I did well.
I didn't weigh myself all week.
My scale is broken. I got 188 - 184.5. I don't trust it. I am getting a new one this week - and what ever it says I will start there. The school clinic says 192 - same as my doctor's scale. If it says that - I just start there, and will not call it a gain. It is what it is.
I am stuck. I am tired. I am frustrated.
This is Bull s%!#.

I track everything HERE.
I'd love anyone's input.

In some lovely news, and on a more positive note,
I received an award from Sylvia at Big Steps 2 Take
Thank you so much. I am just amazed that anyone reads my drivel.
Thank you. You are awesome!

The rules of the award are that I share 7 things about me that you all don't know yet.

I am terrible at this stuff.

I am a compulsive crafsterbator - I am always making something, sewing, knitting, jewelry, you name it. But I rarely see a project to the end. I get bored and move on. Small projects suit me best. I need my crafts and my crafty community.
I love Wonder Woman. When I first started loosing weight again, I had fantasies of getting a Wonder Woman costume, and wearing it for my birthday. It has yet to happen.
Over the years I've gotten really bad at being able to express my feelings towards people in a sentimental way - so much so that I rarely give cards anymore, it makes me feel corny and I don't know why.
I am taking a self imposed year of celibacy. I decided it'd be best if I took a break from dating and men after everything that went on with Stephen. So "No men in 2010 is my motto". It is a little lonely around here.
I love to entertain. I would rather have people over to my house than go anywhere anyday. Plus it helps me keep my house picked up -well, the downstairs anyhow.
People think I have it together, but really I am just fumbling along. I am terrible with money, I am unorganized, and not as confident as people think I am. It always amazes me when people think I have it together.
I started this blog to write about my son, and his Asbergers and being a single mom but it's turned into a weight loss blog totally unintentionally. It gives me the forum to talk about my weight where otherwise, I'd struggle alone. I'm just going with it.

The second requirement is that I pass the award on to 7 other Beautiful Bloggers. Check out their blogs (in no particular order)!!

Diz@ Death By Calories
Kenz @ All the Weigh - who has now lost 100 lbs and whose words are a big inspiraton to me
Helen @Doing a 180
Laurie @ Laurie's Journey to Better Health
Mrs Fatass @ Did I just Eat That Out Loud
Chris @ A Deliberate Life

Thanks again!!

Week in Review

2010-05-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Yet another installment of The Week In review! I know right - it has you on the edge of your seat.

Monday - Still aching from throwing out my back on Sunday, I wore the Tens Unit all day and felt much better. After school we went to Panera where I had a snack of Veggie Soup +1 and waited on my parents. I ditched the kiddo with the Grandparents who were taking the little dude to Boy Scouts, and I made it to (my favorite instructor) Ida's step class at the other Gold's gym (the sister gym without the kids club, I can only go to if I'm flying solo.) Whoo hoo. I felt great! +1 And it was the first time all day my back didn't hurt - go figure. Tracked food and ate within limits. +1
Calories consumed: 1,426 / Minutes of Activity 50 / calories burned: 400

Tuesday - Long hard day at work - the kids are totally out of hand this time of year. I am doing clay projects with all my grade levels and trying to reconcile the year which is putting me over the edge. I seriously was ready to cry by 10:00. -1 Though I was exhausted and stressed, I made it to the gym and did the 5:30 step class and 15 minutes on the Stair master! +1 Go me. Felt so much better! Tracked my food ate within limits. +1
Calories consumed: 1,603 / Minutes of Activity 75 / calories burned: 800

Wednesday - Weigh in day - no gain no loss. I hit the treadmill for a reasonable walk with some incline and yoga. +1 I needed a stretch, but it was really low impact. My foot had actually started to ache and tighten in replacement of my back which has been much better. So I was hoping the yoga would stretch it all out. What is going on? If it's not my hip, it's my foot, or my back, and don't get me started on my knees. I'm afraid they are next. I cannot stand this getting old crap. Really. WTF? -1
Calories consumed: 1,387 / Minutes of activity 80 / calories burned: 300

Thursday - My foot was so tight I decided I needed a break. No gym. -1 Plus I had an IEP meeting after school (more about that tomorrow) and Andy had soccer, so there was little time for the gym anyhow. We live 15- 20 minutes from Andy's school and the gym, so the gym is always right after school or it doesn't happen. If we go home, we don't come back to the other side of town again. We went to Panera Bread again for a snack, some Internet and homework. He was very hungry, ate a Peanut Butter and Jelly and a Cinnamon Crunch Bagel (which I ate part of -1) and I had Black bean soup. He was already acting up before soccer, only did part of his homework, and by the time we got to soccer, he was done. I could tell he was exhausted, which always means poor behavior. He was hitting for no reason and goofing off, not listening, all his tired boy crap. I tried to walk laps around the field, but kept having to run back to get him in check. After 30 or 40 minutes, I snatched him up and took him home, and of course he feel asleep on the way home. -1 I knocked out a bit of housework, ate Ramen for dinner, which Andy rejected, and 2 glasses of wine. Chased it with some marshmallows. My sweet tooth gets me every time. Wouldn't have been such a bad day had I been able to get in more activity. Tracked my food, but went way over. -1
Calories consumed: 1,980 / Minutes of activity 10 / calories burned: 0 (not long enough to track)

Friday - Oh thank goodness for Friday!Friday means 4:30 step. I love it so! Ida is the instructor, and there's something about starting the weekend that way. I love it. +1 To top off the evening, my fabulous neighbor girls came over for a little whine and cheese.+1 I am so lucky to have such cool girls as my neighbors. Just awesome. I didn't drink too much, and did partake in some yummy cheese. But I tracked and stayed within reason.
Calories consumed: 1,770 / Minutes of activity 50 / calories burned: 550

Saturday - Soccer game was early and my kid did great. +1 I was so excited. He was really focusing on the ball, not goofing off, and running. See what an earlier bedtime can do? Next up the gym. I burned a ton of calories. 20 min on the treadmill, weights, and 30 min on the stair master. +1 Then I came home and mowed the lawn. Now it takes me an hour and 45 minutes to mow my huge lawn, so you'd better believe I count that as activity! +1 I was definitely spent. But then I binged. I could have been way ahead, but no I went for it. My binge was on wine, 2 fat free pudding cups and way too much fat free cool whip. For real I can down a whole tub of that without thinking about it. Now the damage wasn't that great. Not like I went out to the Golden Corral buffet, but even so, it was a binge. I still do it. Even with all my good habits I have created, I still binge. I was bored, a little lonely, and turned to food. Not cool. It felt dirty. -2
Calories consumed: 2,267 / Minutes of activity 200 / calories burned: 1,361

Sunday - I was on my way to Sunday step, when I noticed something wasn't right with the car. A flat tire. -1 So I went around the block, and got out of the car, only to throw my back out AGAIN getting out of the car. -1 I had been fine for a few days. I don't get it. Maybe I need a smaller purse. Anyhow, it took a hydrocodone and a few hours lying on the floor till I was able to call AAA to change the spare. I love AAA - who needs a man around when I can just call them? Fortunately Pep Boys near my house has service open on Sundays. While they fixed the tire, Andy and I tooled around at the Kmart next door. When I returned a little irk'd that after nearly 2 hours no one had called me and the car was done, the service advisor told me it was FREE. +1 It was a Pep Boys Rewards promotion, and all I needed was a tire repair. So off to the store to get some treats for our playdate. I picked up some snacks and pizza dough so the boys could make pizza. My 2 friends and their son who is Andy's age came over. It had been forever since we'd hung out, and the boys adore each other. We had an awesome evening. I partook in too much wine again, and cheese - see a trend? But I only ate one peice of hommade pizza and I was finished. +1 I didn't feel the need to stuff my face, like you do with takeout. Something about hommade, less is more filling. I went way over, +1 but it was mostly the wine.
Calories consumed: 2,054 / Minutes of activity 0 / calories burned: 0

So there it is boys and girls -
Total Score for the week = +4

Pretty awesome! Lots of activity, good friends and too much wine. I actually feel good and am looking forward to weighing in. I am 50/50 on holding up my new goals. But I still feel good about it. And there's always room for improvement - but I am on the right track.

Tasty Thurday - Crockpot Chicken Florentine

2010-05-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

I've seen lots of people looking for recipes - so Thursdays I promise to post one - either a tried and true favorite - or a new one.

So here goes - my first Tasty Thursday:

Crockpot Chicken Florentine
(This is a tried and true favorite - easy to dump in the pot and go.)

1 lb frozen chicken breasts
1 package frozen spinach
1 can cannellini beans drained
1 large (28 oz) can of diced tomatoes, Italian style
dash of sea salt and pepper
add any seasoning - italian seasoning, basil, oregano, etc you wish

dunp it in the crockpot, go to sleep, (6-8 hours) wake up to a hot lunch a dinner for later
The chicken falls apart and it's kind of like a stew. You can even serve it over pasta, though I don't think it's needed.
for WW I figured it's about 28 points for the whole recipe
it makes 6 servings - about a cup and 1/2 or so - at 4 points each
I eat it with fat free feta and add a point - Yum!!
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So a sweet little side note. I let Andy sleep with me from time to time. He's only 6 and frankly I am the one who loves it. It's not like he won't sleep in his own bed, and it's not like he'll be sleeping in my bed when he's 16 either. But my guy likes to snuggle, and so do I - who knows how much longer I have of that, right? So this morning, I've gotten him awake, and getting some morning snuggles and hugs and tickles, and he is looking at me with a sweet smile, and I said, "What cha thinking about, bug?" and he says, "Oh just you, and snuggling at night. I love you mama."
Oh man my melted heart.

He's still my baby.

LHAS - week 2 - Weigh in Wednesday

2010-05-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

LHA Challenge check in!
No pic today = my camera and phone were both out of juice this AM, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I've got nothing to lie about.
I lost Nothing. Zero, Zip, Zilch.
184.5 - no loss no gain - same as last week.
I had a surprising 210 min of activity - considering I was home with a sick kid, keeping me out of the gym 2 nights, out of town over the weekend, and little chance to get in a workout. So I think that's not bad. But I can do better.
Kind of bummed, but I was showing a gain earlier, so I'll take it.
I have been having back trouble all week , but I am still trying to get in my activity.
My goals are realistic. Though I'd really like to drop more, I want to loose only 10 lbs by my birthday - Aug 27th - which would be the end of this challenge. Doing that with the big trip and all that summer brings would be a big success.
36 days away from my trip! I'm going to do my best so I can have a little wiggle room. I'll be driving and staying with people so activity will be a challenge. I'll bring the 30 day shred DVD - I can do that on my computer anywhere.

New goals -
-30 day shred starts today. I am going to do it everyday until my trip. In addition to what I normally do. Even if I can't do it all, I will make an attempt. No excuses - help hold me accountable will ya?
- I will only weigh in Wednesday morning. This week I will stay off the scale. No daily weigh ins. Talking with some friends at school, they challenged me to it. They think I am getting so stressed out by it and I need to lay off the scale. So at least this week I will.
-Everyday this week 5 minutes of meditation / shavasana - to help release some stress, that's maybe holding me back.

Now how many more days till school is out? These kids are killing me. Come on June 18th!

Baby shower blues

2010-05-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

Ok -
Here's the back story on the baby shower from this weekend. I probably shouldn't blog about this, but I need to vent.

This friend is a wonderful girl, who I love dearly, and I would do anything for. Please understand this is just me venting , I love this girl, I support her totally, but she's a total control freak. And throwing this baby shower for her made both my mom and I crazy.
She is going to be a single mom at 42. I totally relate to the single mom thing - and am really feeling very close to all that is going on in her life. I'm trying to kind of guide her I guess. I feel like I have been there, so I really am the only one in her life who understands what it means to be a single mom from the very beginning and do it all alone. Been there done that. I know first hand that when you have a child, you really needs to learn to let go and accept that you are no longer the one in control of everything. Especially when you are on your own. Going with the flow is crucial to survival. You have to focus on the important things and let life happen. Enjoy it and be grateful, because you only get one shot at it. None the less when we offered to have a shower for her - and she wanted to be in charge and control everything everything isn't going to be just so, just as you planned. She was even upset when she found out she was having a boy - she had her heart set on a girl. Seriously - she was devastated it wasn't a girl. But we wanted to support her on this journey to motherhood so we offered to have a shower for her - but and she wanted to be in charge and control everything.
First our mother to be decided she only wanted one shower. But then gave us a guest list of 54 people. 54! Really?! If you have that many people to invite - you need to have more than one shower. Another friend wanted to host her a shower of just their circle of girlfriends in Williamsburg. She declined. A family member offered to host, she declined. We told her we couldn't invite that many people and asked her to chisel down the list. She said, "just send invites to the first 30 I'll send the rest". I told her if she did that my mother would be very upset and offended. According to her about 14 or so people on this list were out of town family who wouldn't be attending but would be mad if they didn't get invited. (It's a baby shower not a family reunion.) I said to send them a birth announcement. It's rude to invite someone to a party you know they won't attend, it's like asking them to send a gift. The conversation over the guest list went on and on, turned into a screaming match at one point. My mom and I nearly called the whole thing off. She had also made up her own invitation and sent us the file. Talk about taking all the fun out of it. She had requests or the time of day, the food, decor, no games, and she wanted us to serve alcohol. The whole thing was a nightmare.
So I really was trying to be excited about her shower, but all I wanted to do was get it over with.
When things were to the point that we were ready to cancel, I emailed the mother to be's sister, who I knew was attending. I asked her to intervene and smooth things out. She kept in touch, said she'd buy the alcohol (Which we were not going to provide - I mean, really? Booze at a baby shower in the middle of the afternoon?! It's not cocktail party!) On the way to the shower I got a text from her sister saying "It's okay to bring kids right?" Well, we had gotten only few RSVPs, and of 2 of those we were asked if that was ok - we decided with the guest list so large and the adult tone the mother to be had requested, that it was not appropriate. We were not prepared to entertain kids, or provide kid friendly food. I have had that happen before, where small children show up unexpectedly to a baby shower and it changes the tone of the party. Apparently, her cousin's wife, who actually never RSVP'd, was planning on bring her 4 year old. I said no, as we had told other guests no already, that this was an adult affair, and we were not expecting kids. Well this turned into a whole new head ache, just 2 hours before the shower. I spoke to the sister, the aunt, and my mom, and told them to tell the cousin's wife, who herself never called me, that it would be fine, but we were not planning on entertaining children and that her daughter might be bored, so bring something to entertain her. Then to top it off the cousin's wife sent me a nasty gram via facebook. Seriously, WTF, I am a single mom and I would never assume it was okay to bring my kid to someone's home if they were not invited. She knew about the date for over a month. But even if you can't get a sitter, call personally and ask. It turned out she got her daughter all excited about the shower, and her daughter had a fit when she told her no. But um, isn't 2:00 nap time for most preschoolers? Awesome - she was planning on bringing a cranky preschooler at that. Anyone ever take their kid to an event where they're expected to behave when they skipped their nap? How'd that turn out? Well, she wound up not coming. Seriously, her family should have handled the whole shower. I totally regret getting involved - wish we never offered. Honestly the only reason she accepted our offer to host, was because my mother's house could accommodate the amount of people she wanted to have. She just used my mother's home as an event hall. I really don't think she appreciated all my mom did. It hurts my feelings, and makes me feel so bad for my generous mother.
It was a tea time shower (2:00 even though we wanted to do 3:00 - but compromised as she wanted it 1:00) The time of day was such a pain. I had Andy's soccer game and wasn't able to get there until 2:00 so my mother everything herself. 3:00 would have been so much better.
Mom put together a lovely tea. She cooked and baked and prepared and paid for everything herself. She made a variety tea sandwiches, canapes, tarts, cakes, and a yummy spiced tea. It was lovely. But despite how beautiful and classy an affair my mother had put together, I'm sure it did not meet our mother to be's standards. Makes me so sad for my momma. And feeling hurt.

The mother to be and her sister showed up late, like 30 or 45 minutes late. They did bring alcohol, but we didn't put it out as we already had everything set up, and didn't plan a place to put it. I know very few of her friends. So we just sat around and waited for her. And then when she showed up, the first thing she says to me is "don't you have any music?" Seriously.
Her sister planned a really good quiz game about the mom to be, which was fun and then we did gifts. I really would have planned more and done more things if she had backed off and let us do what we wanted to do for her. But I didn't do that much for this. It wasn't fun. She wanted it her way - to dictate what she wanted rather than let us do for her what we wanted to do. She sucked the fun right out of it.
I have thrown 3 baby showers and all 3 times the mom to be just said "thank you - when do I come?" and they gave me a reasonable guest list. And they were grateful and gracious, and everyone had a great time. And it was fun. But after this - never again.

If I ever say I'm going to throw a shower for anyone again, have me committed.

Week in review = Major Frustration!!!

2010-05-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

My week in review Monday - Sunday
Boy am I glad that week is over!
super duper long post

Monday-
I was right on track. No boy scouts that evening - so we went to the gym, I did the treadmill and the stair climber. Still not really running as much, as my hip gets irritated. Ate right - tracked my food - I was rockin it out. = +2
1,458 calories consumed / 60 min of activity / 600 calories burned =

Tuesday -
Still doing great! I tracked all my food, and even though I wasn't really into it, I did go to step - and was so glad I did. = +2
Andy had a rotten day at school and was passed out early. (Like slapped his one to one aide. Yes, very rotten day - man oh man. Talk about inappropriate social behavior.) = -1 He fell asleep in the car right away. (Like I couldn't see that coming - crappy day is always indicative of a tired boy - and he did it the Tuesday the last week too . What is it about Tuesdays? )I ran some errands after his nap, and though I felt we should just go home, he begged to go to the gym. Because of one of my errands I missed my 4:30 class, but we made it in time for the 5:30 step class. I usually don't go to that one because by the time we get home and get dinner it's like 7:00, but I think I am going to try to make that class every week. I just love it. The instructor Melanie is kind of scary - like mean ex head cheerleader scary - but she plays the best music, does the most fun tracks and for some reason I am really motivated by her. I always leave her class in a great mood.
Andy fell asleep on the way home and was in bed the rest of the night. I got to actually have some quiet time and get the TV to myself to watch Parenthood. = +1
1,648 calories consumed / 60 mi activity/ 750 calories burned

Wednesday-
Started off well with a weigh in of a 2 lb loss. = +1
But the rest of the week went to shit from there.
Major back ache all day. Got a call at school at 12:00 to pick Andy up from school early with a fever .= -1 I guess that explains the epic bad day at school Tuesday. I took him to the doctor and fortunately no strep, which had been going around his class, but she recommended I keep him home the next day. My back was killing me, so not only did I not go to the gym, there was no in home work out happening either. =-1 I remembered I had hydrocodone from December that I never finished, so I took on of those and it helped me sleep.
I tracked my food, = +1 but went over and didn't work out. I also had a few glasses of wine (yes with the hydrocodone - very dumb I know.) I didn't track my wine. 2 of my knit night girls came over for a crochet lesson, so I cracked the Wine cube. = -1 Hey, I didn't have to go to work the next day.
1,706 calories consumed / 0 activity

Thursday -
I stayed home with Andy and woke up in a lot of pain myself. I took 2 hydrocodone like an idiot, and was pretty much wasted for most of the day. I took nice nap and slept most of it off. It made me feel really nauseous, so I don't really eat that great either. But on the up side my back stopped hurting. Again, I didn't work out at all. = -2 As a single mom, I can't just go out and take a walk around the neighborhood, I'm kinda stuck inside, and with that back pain, there wasn't a work out I could think of to do. Any suggestions would be really really appreciated.
I wound up feeling good enough by the end of the day to go to Knit night. I had a few treats there, and tried to but didn't track it all. A chocolate cinnamon cookie or 2 a slice of chocolate ganache, some shrimp dip, pistachios. = -1

Friday -
Back to school and work, and trying to get back on track. Andy was better, and I hooked my self up to the Tens unit my ex fiance' Stephen had bought last year, and it really seemed to help my back pain. I just wish it would go away. By the end of the day I felt much better, and went to Step class with my favorite instructor Ida. = +1 I hadn't been to class in a while due to the camping trip, and I missed her class. I did fine, no pain. Then I had errands to run so I could spend the evening sewing gifts for the baby shower my mother and I were throwing the next day. We hit Chick Fil A for dinner, I had a salad, and Andy finally wiggled his 6th loose tooth out. = +2 He got to play a little in the kids area and then we hit Target. Once home, I sent him to bed right away, so he'd be rested for soccer in the morning, and went to work sewing. I used to have a small business making baby items and clothing, and it was like the old days, up late, dog by my feet, sleeping boy and sewing all night. I had to borrow a machine from my friend Holly, as mine is on the fritz, and jamming up. Because of my machine issues and the move I really hadn't sewn in a year. It felt great. I missed it. I may never give Holly's machine back. We bonded. I am finally ready to set up the guest room as my craft space. = +1
I tracked as much as possible. I think I may missed a few items but did well for the most part.
1230 calories consumed (hmm - I think I had more) / 60 min activity / 600 calories burned

Saturday
Crazy busy day. Andy had a soccer game. I forgot I was snack parent this week, so I had to pack a cooler and rush by the store to get ice, water, juice and granola bars. =-1 The team won and Andy actually played ok - made contact with the ball a few times even. =+1 We had to get on the road immediately afterward to get to the baby shower at my mom's house in Williamsburg we were throwing for my friend. (45 - 60 minute drive)
I was really not looking forward to this shower. It had been the biggest pain. More bout that later.
On the way down there was more shower drama = -1 Arthur, our dog started barking part way through the drive, making me think perhaps he had to go potty, so I pulled off an exit. While I'm trying to get Arthur to pee, Andy climbed out the window and began to run down the road. = -1 You read that right. Running down the road. He had a Aspie moment, I don't know what the hell is going on in his head sometimes, but I got him under control, back in the car in one peice and got a grip on my own sanity. Life with Autism - never a dull moment. I made it to to my mom's just in time for the the shower at 2:00 - late, slightly frazzled but otherwise okay.
It was a hell of a day, and I did not track my food. = -1 I don't think I did too terribly, but I picked all day - I ate no real lunch or dinner, just picking and grazing on shower food, and we all know how that can add up. Pretty much tea sandwiches and such. =-1
Didn't track food / 0 min activity

Sunday
I stayed the night at my parents, as they really wanted to play with Andy some more. I had been invited to cook out with some friends, so we had to head back in the afternoon. I kept breakfast normal, a yogurt and an egg, but there was so much left around to pick on and I still kept picking. = -1
We went to Colonial Williamsburg to walk the dog and let Andy ride his bike. I wore my gym clothes and had plans to run/walk and do a little dog training with Arthur. = +1 I made it through the first 3 minute run, and my back seized up on me. I kept going as much as I could, but walking swift was difficult too. =-1 I caught up with my parents and Andy and had to have my mom take the dog. His pulling was killing my back. And he's a 23 lb Puggle! I could barely lift a purse. I went to the car to get a hydrocodone. It took a little edge off, but it was still pretty bad. My mom took Andy to Baskin Robbins - but I held out and didn't get any. Ice cream is my favorite. I can usually can justify just a lowfat or fat free yogurt - but I resisted and I was pretty proud of myself. =+1 Then we headed home, got ready for dinner with great friends and headed back out gain. I brought a lightened up version of my mom's broccoli salad. She uses full fat mayo and swears you can't substitute - but of course you can, you always can. So I subbed the full fat mayo for fat free and splenda sugar blend for the sugar in the dressing. It was wonderful. No one could tell difference. They loved it. = +1
I brought Hebrew National hot dogs - and ate them without a bun, skipped the chocolate chip cookies, yet another weakness, and had a glass of wine. I didn't track but felt good about my choices. = +1
The kids had a great time playing, and I got to love on a sweet chubby baby girl. Not to mention spend an evening with such good people. It was a wonderful way to end a crazy week. It was such a mess, but I am grateful for wonderful people to help wash the week away with.
I did not track calories/ 20 minutes activity / 200 calories burned

Total score for the week = +2
Not bad I guess - not in the negative. Sunday's good choices save the whole week.

Low points - sick kiddo, back ache from hell, missed gym time, baby shower drama, ending the week with a gain showing (let's hope it's water weight and TOM related)
Highlights - showing a loss in my Weigh in Wednesday, tooth fairy visit, getting my sewing groove back, winning the soccer game, awesome cookout with great people, cuddles with a sweet baby

I feel like the whole week was one big fog. I am so glad that's over.

But no matter what happened all week - I got to end it like this, with these sweet faces;

Into the Woods

2010-05-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we went camping with the Boy Scouts. I was equally dreading and excited for the trip. 2 nights in the woods sharing a tent with my 6 year old and my parents, in the woods, with ticks and, spiders and more. You get the idea. This could be bad. Not to mention, being in the woods with my mom - this could go either way. I brought a wine cube from Target just in case.
But thankfully I didn't need it.

We had a wonderful time! And I have my parents to thank for it. They did a great job getting it together. I didn't do a thing but show up with the kid. Paw Paw found the campground, Chippokes Plantation State Park, in Surrey VA. Great campground, not to far, lots to do, great campsites. Oh and Paw Paw had ll the tents and air mattresses he purchased for the trip - and had it set up when we got there - awesome. I can't wait to do that again.

First night it was us, Ms R and her son (she takes Andy to school everyday and the boys are tight)and another boy and his dad. Mom and Ms R were in charge of all the food, so of course, there was way more than enough. My mom likes to get food to feed twice as many people. And she likes to do it up - make it all about the food. They are big eaters, and she's a great cook, so the temptation is really hard for me - but I had a plan. I brought some of my own food so I could still enjoy everything. I wasn't going to let the food take over the camping trip for me.
Night one - hamburgers, salad and chips. I had Boca burgers - 1 on a bun, one plain, and salad. I also snacked on some pretzels I brought, and ate a bag of beef jerky on the road trip there. (Kroger Honey BBQ - I am addicted -that stuff is like crack.) Then we had s'mores - I had one and a few roasted marshmallows - not too much damage.

The next day, we all went off to the trails. A little hike, some activity - good stuff. The trails lead to a small river beach where we hunted for sharks teeth.

And a little later on we cleaned the boys and headed up the trail to the River house, and the farming exhibit. You know good boy stuff, tractors, goats, that sort of thing.

When we returned to camp, other families had begun to arrive, until we had a full camp. Little boys everywhere. While Mom and Ms R fixed dinner, the kids rode bikes and played. Andy wanted me to run with him while he rode his bike - thanks kiddo for the motivation! So I put on my running shoes and we ran a few laps around the campground. He made it only 15 min, but I kept going - I jogged back to the visitor center, down the trail we walked before earlier in the day, back to the farm and back to the campsite. A beautiful run - if you could call it that. My hip is still sore so I'm having to take it easy - walking more - but it was activity and that's what counts. I clocked an hour and 450 calories burnt. I returned to a feast - hot dogs, mac n' cheese, broccoli, chips, and more. I brought 97% fat free Hebrew National hot dogs and root veggies that I made in a foil pouch on the fire campfire style. I had enough to share, and my healthy campfire veggies were a hit.

Then there were boyscout games.... trying to wear them out. We didn't want Lord of the Flies happening later on or anything. We needed them to sleep so they wouldn't take over.

Sunday we had a huge breakfast - mom brought banana bread- and I gave in to it. Damn her - sabboteur! Then we packed up and headed out. The boys had a ball! Here's the whole bunch.

On the way out, we stopped for Mother's Day lunch at The Surrey House. They have the kind of food my parents love. They actually had their first date there. Southern style food - fried chicken, country ham, apple fritters, fried seafood- basically fried fried fried and soaked in pork fat. I did great - a salad with grilled chicken. I did get a side of she crab soup too - not so good a choice. I watched my parents eat the special, fried chicken covered in gravy with country ham corn pudding and green beans southern style with ham. I mentally calculated the calories and fat and lost count. Then they got apple fritters for dessert - basically a fried apple doughnut with ice cream on top. It's hard to be good when you watch people gorging themselves like that. They eat terribly. I caved in to dessert like a chump - ate full fat ice cream and a slice of peanut raisin pie - which oddly had no nuts or raisins in it - it was somehow blended in - and was like a pecan-less pecan pie. I gave myself permission, because I ate the salad - but by the time I finished my day I had gone way way over - as in 2,274 and 89 grams of fat. Gross.
I really could have skipped the pie, dang it. It wasn't even that good. But the full fat ice cream was.

LHAS Week 1 - weigh in Wednesday

2010-05-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

My Long Hot Active Summer Challenge
Well - I did it - or so the scale says I did - 184.5. That's -2. I am happy with that.
I was active 270 minutes. Not bad.
Here's my proof:
(don't be frightened by my disgusting deformed feet)

I am really digging this challenge! I finally feel motivated and I actually feel like in some ways the pressure is off. I am not focusing so much on what I am doing, but that I am being active. That's a big mental shift for me actually. I also reduced my calories, and it seems to be working. So hopefully this is the beginning of a great trend - finally seeing the scale move in the right direction.
Now get outta here and go cheer on the other kids in the challenge!

The House Of Motherhood

2010-05-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

Instead of sharing my own words today - I am going to send you to another fantastic blog -
Enjoying The Small Things to read her amazing Mother's Day post.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

(by the way the camping trip was great - no need to crack open the wine cube I had stashed in the trunk for emergencies - and yes, I am still talking to my mother - and I am so grateful to both her and my stepdad Jim for all they do for my boy and I.)

Did you thank a teacher this week?

2010-05-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

These are the adorable mugs Andy painted for his teachers for Teacher Appreciation week. I was shocked he didn't try to paint Spongebob Squarepants all over them. But we did include gummi crabby patties in the package.

Happy Mother's day everyone! Have a wonderful weekend.

Gone Camping!!

The week in review - and the score is...

2010-05-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

For starters - thanks to all my new LHA challenge friends. I really need you. So glad to have to guys along for the ride to make this summer the best ever! (right Diz?)

This week kicked my ass. Let's see the score.

Saturday -
Soccer game - and Andy was a mess. Totally not into it. I was a really obnoxious parent - totally policing him the entire time. Yelling his name through the whole thing, trying to keep him focused. Good grief, can't he just keep from pulling his jersey up over his head and chase the ball? He did make a good kick in there once though. The score 7-1 - we got killed. = -1
Lunch at the Baja Bean Company with 2 out of 3 brothers and mom - ordered a margarita, and bean and chorizo burrito, cheese enchilada, ate chips and salsa = -1
disclaimer - the food was awesome! - But my food choices were bad - I know how to eat there really healthy - but I wanted to be bad
Picked up hammock stand for the hammock I bought year ago, and my step dad put it up for me. Spent the rest of the afternoon in the hammock = +1
Didn't work out at all. = -1
Didn't track my food at all. = -1

Sunday -
Stayed in my calories, tracked my food, and went to the gym for body step. = +3
Was totally lazy the rest of the afternoon and didn't mow the lawn. = -1
Booked plane tickets to Seattle and LA for Andy and I's west coast adventure this summer. = +1
consumed 1552 calories / burned 500 calories / 1 hour of activity

Monday -
I made it to the gym after work. Andy had boy scouts - which my parents come up to take him to - and they met us at school rather than out to eat - so I managed to avoid having to eat out too. = +2
Lost my school ID and key. = -1
Stayed in calories and tracked my food. = + 1
consumed 1534 / burned 500 calories / 1 hour of activity

Tuesday -
We had to take the car across town to get the side view mirror replaced which I had been driving without since before Spring Break, an inspection, which was past due, and an oil change which I hadn't had since Nov. = +1 for doing it -3 for letting all of that slide so long
Andy had a total meltdown at the dealership, fortunately there was a private room we were waiting in. He fought me tooth and nail about doing his homework - kicking and screaming, yelling "you hate me" rolling on the floor, for an hour and a half. Of course he fell asleep in the car on the way home. I should have been able to see that coming. = -1
He was asleep early enough that I had time to finally watch The Blind Side and Glee. = +1
Went over calories and didn't work out, but tracked my food. = -1
1612 calories consumed / 0 calories burned / 0 activity

Wednesday -
Forgot to bring my gym clothes with me, even though I put them in the bag to bring, I left them on the table on the way out of the house. = -1
Mowed the lawn for excercise. = +1
Knit night. Drank way too much and didn't count any of those terrible liquid calories and ate a bad ass cupcake. = - 2
Felt like I made a drunken ass out of myself at knit night. = -1
But I didn't whip out my boob for the group shot like H.B. = +1
(It was a hilarious reference to Virginia's attorney general Ken Cuccinell's dealings of matters of utmost importance in VA Politics. )
Drank more wine when I got home - fell asleep on the couch with the dog . = - 1
When I woke up I still didn't put Arthur in his crate, he wound up sleeping with me, but didn't chew anything up. = +1
Day 1 of LAS Challenge, but didn't have time to blog = 0
logged 1280 calories consumed / 400 calories burned / 1 hour activity

Thursday-
I got through all the blogs I could and added lots of new friends to follow for the LAS Challenge.= +1
Blogged my LAS Challenge. = +1
Soccer practice and team photos at 5. Forgot Andy's soccer shirt and had to turn around, go all the way home, and didn't have time to go to the gym. = -1
Went to Starbucks, changed in the restroom, and made it to soccer practice just in time for pictures.
Andy said at Starbucks and all the way there that he didn't want to play soccer. He was a mess, totally terrible behavior - trying to give everyone Atomic Wedgies, as seen on the Nickelodeon show Johnny Test. = -2
I decided to run/ walk the track during practice, giving Andy some space and distance from my over protective watchful eye, and making use of the pretty day. I did 8-10 laps - I think each lap is a 1/4 mi, but I'm not sure. I walked about 6 ran 3. Not bad. 30 min. = +1
Andy continued to try to give everyone Atomic Wedgies. = -1
Went to CiCis Pizza Buffet for dinner. I had 2 large plates of salad, water, and only 2 slices of pizza. Skipped dessert, and tracked it all. At a pizza buffet - I think I did awesome! I kept telling myself I could fess up to 2 and that wouldn't be so bad, but 3 or more was gluttony, and I wasn't going to justify that. Got out of there with out having to fork out money for video games either. = +1
Shopped at Target for Teacher Appreciation Week - just in time for Friday. (I'm not even going to talk about my issue with trying to find shorts. Depressing.)
Andy painted the cutest mugs for Ms G his one to one aide, and Ms C his first grade teacher. I made each teacher a necklace, got them both cards, got Ms G a candle and a Target GC. She rules, she does so much for my boy, and has even requested to come back to be with him next year. I wish I had done more. Ms C has been getting something everyday from the whole class, but I wanted to do something just from us too. = +2
I didn't do anything for Ms A his sped resource teacher or Ms S the aide in that room. = -1
I didn't finish 2 knit market bags I started for his teachers. = -1
But I did pull together cute bags for tomorrow. Phew, just in the nick of time. = +2
I took a picture to share, but my camera ran out of juice and I can't download it till tomorrow. = - 1
We didn't get home until 8:30, Andy didn't get to bed until 10 and he didn't do his homework. = -2
I haven't packed a single thing for the camping trip this weekend, and we hve to leave right after school. I even need to wash a load of laundry so we can go. I'll do it in the morning. = -1
I logged my food, but am currently drinking the wine that put me over the limit today. 200 calories over goal. And the worst part - it's Arbor Mist. = -2
1782 calories consumed / 350 calories burned / 30 min activity

Total - 7

This weekend is the Tiger Scout Camping Trip. My parents and Andy and I are all sharing a tent. Please send good thoughts. I hope to survive the weekend tick free, with my sanity in tact, and still be speaking to my mother.
I haven't been camping since I was a girl scout. I don't really need to go exactly, I'm just along for the ride. I don't really want to go, but I can't miss the boy's first camping trip. I have to share a tent with my parents.
Jim has got all the gear and will get there early to set up. Mom is doing all the food for everyone, so she sent me the menu.
         Friday - Hamburgers, Salad, chips, Drinks- Pudding cups for the kids- We will have fruit
         Saturday Breakfast- Sausage & Eggs, Cinnamon Buns, Fruit, Coffee Milk
         Saturday Lunch - PB&J for the kids -fruit cups-& sandwich meat for adults -with     whole wheat bread
         Saturday Dinner - Hot Dogs, Macaroni & Cheese,Carrots & Broccoli, Salad, SMORES
         Sunday Breakfast - cereal, milk, fruit banana bread - Coffee

I'll be packing my own food - some yogurt, kashi, carrots, pretzels and honey mustard, Hebrew National 97% fat free hot dogs, cottage cheese, my own dressing, my own pudding cups, splenda, and maybe a protein bar or two. I'll bring my heart rate monitor and try my best to stay active and log my activity, since I'll miss 3 days at the gym. I'm going to try to log my food on my iphone and make good choices. But I will be roasting some marshmallows, and there is a wine cube from Target in the trunk of my car - just in case.

Long Hot Active Summer - week one

2010-05-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

I joined a challenge. I need something to hold me accountable this summer with all I have planned.

I didn't really start off too good considering all I drank last night at knit night - oh and that cupcake I had. But here goes......

Here's what I have to do:

A picture of my feet on my scale, taken day one of the challenge. May 5

OK - I did it. I hate doing this by the way - posting this weight sucks. What sucks worse than that is my doctors scale is higher. But there it is - my big fat number. Bleh.

Take at least one picture of myself! Full body shot.

This will serve as my before picture.

I forgot to take my picture yesterday. This one I took March 16th. I am more than likely the same weight as now - I logged 186 on Livestrong on March 10th.

Here's the link to the Challenge

My Long Hot Active Summer.
Go HERE for everyone else's updates!
I'm following as many of you challengers as I can!

-Today I weighed in at 186.5 I have a lot planned for this summer - but I'd really love to get to 176. It's 16 weeks away. If I can loose this 10 by the end of the summer with all the travel I have planned - I'll be happy. If I can get to 170 - well I'll be ecstatic!
- For the next 16 weeks I am going to log all my activity on my weekly weigh in posts. I workout pretty regularly so I want to keep that up - 1 hour 5-6 days a week is my goal. 300 calories a day burned or more. I want to increase my muscle building - and hopefully start the New Rules of Lifting for Women soon.

Here goes! The journey continues. I'm so excited to have found this challenge. I am really looking forward to supporting and getting support for this group! Let's do it!

California here we come

2010-05-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

I did it. I bought our tickets for Andy and I's big west coast adventure! 2 weeks just the 2 of us from Seattle to LA along the Pacific Coast Highway. We have friends in Seattle we'll start off visiting, then drive along the coast making some stops along the way and end up in LA staying with my awesome cousin Brad and his fantastic wife Heather and their 2 boys. I am so excited!
We'll see the wild sea lions, do some whale watching, see giant Redwoods, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, the Monterey Aquarium and who knows what else. I would love suggestions of neat stops to make. I'm trying to plan just a few things each day, with some down time driving in between, so Andy doesn't get too overloaded.
Andy is a little obsessed with geography, and has really enjoyed traveling. He loves to tell you all the places hes been. I'm getting him a map to mark with pins of all the places we've visited. He draws the map of the US over and over, has memorized every state, and is now learning all of their abbreviations. He's making a book of all the states now. He can identify all the states on an unmarked map. And he says California is his favorite state - he wants to go to Hollywood and make a movie. Brad is a camera man - so we may be able to make something happen to satiate his Asbergian fantasy.
I decided that I need to take advantage of the freedom I have to travel easily with my son. So we are going to explore the world together. I can't wait for this trip. And to see where we'll go next!

Welcome To Balmer, hon - Conference in the Charm City

2010-05-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this post is long overdue, so let me tell you all the tale of our adventures in Baltimore for the National Art Educator's Conference.

So if it wasn't enough that I did Spring Break in New Orleans and Disney, I came back to work for a mere 2 days and turned around and left for Baltimore for 4 days with my friend Amy to go the the National Art Ed Conference. (April 14-17) Nana came to stay with Andy. She's awesome. Even though she makes me crazy - she makes my life so much easier.
Amy is one of my favorite people on the planet. She's got the biggest heart, the best laugh, and she's as silly and fun as they get. We met in college when she was my neighbor in the dorms 18 years ago. I love her so much. And her school loves her too! So much so that she was nominated for and won the Henrico County Gilman Award for outstanding educators. I am so proud of her. As part of her award, the county paid her expenses to the National Art Ed Conference; travel, hotel, food and all. And she was sweet enough to ask me to come along for the ride. All I really had to pay for was food (and booze) , as I didn't bother to register for the conference. Amy had registered for 2 sessions, but the general sessions weren't appealing, and I was more interested in the experiences the city had to offer. Most of the time your biggest take away from a conference is experiencing the culture and museums in the area.
We drove up to Baltimore Tuesday night, and got all checked in. We got up and did the hotel gym Wednesday morning (good girls) and then took off for our first day of adventures. We took the light rail, which smelled of urine, and totally took us off course. So we got off in the middle of a sketchy looking area before we were too far off course, and found our way to the bus line to get to the Baltimore Museum of Art. The sketchy looking area was actually right near the Maryland Institute of Art, where long ago I so desperately wanted to attend. So the area had a few art surprises for us like the Giant Meatball we found in the middle of the street.

Amy is famous for her meatball makin' skills - we were meant to find this meatball. It was the universe's way of telling us we were not lost.

Shortly after, we arrived, very hungry, at the BMA. I heard the museum's restaurant Gertrude's was wonderful, so we ate there. Amy made the best choice with her seafood salad. I had a salmon BLT. We shared a piece of key lime pie. Damn, we had been doing so good so far. Key lime pie with ice cream? That's what sold me on it.

The BMA is home to some great work, including Rodin's "The Thinker". As well as a large collection of Matisse.

Since we were on that side of town, I wanted to go get a picture in front of a certain famous bake shop for my mom, who is a baker, cake decorator, food network junkie extraordinaire . We lucked out.

Yep, that's Duff from Charm City Cakes, the food network show, Ace Of Cakes. My mother freaked out. Amy was so excited. It was a good day. Duff just happened to be outside the shop, with Jeff, talking to builders who are builing a rooftop deck for his staff to hang out on. What a great boss.

On our way back we discovered some amazing people, a great diner we planned on returning to and a lovely 80 year old woman with a fantastic backyard garden. We made a brief appearance at the Crayola Opening event, which was pretty lame, for the exception of some cool local school made decor, and then we went looking for the bar. We found ourselves at The Power Plant Live, a courtyard of bars that on a Wednesday was pretty lame, but we managed to tie a good one on anyway and have a good time.

Day 2 - after I went for a run along the harbor, and got a late start to the day. We met up with some of my favorite ladies, my big sisters of art teachers, Helena and Naomi. We heard nothing but amazing things about the American Visionary Art Museum. So we all went together. It did not disappoint. If you ever find yourself in Baltimore - do not miss that museum. And give yourself time to browse, read the stories, and shop in the best gift shop ever. Photography is not permitted inside, but the exterior is simply stunning and full of glittery goodness.

Amy had her classes that afternoon, and I needed a nap. Then we met up with some art teachers from Central VA for dinner and drinks. We talked our art teacher big sisters into going out with us, so we went back to Power Plant Live, where we heard Thursdays were much more promising, and there was a Piano Bar, Howl at the Moon we wanted to go to. Little did we know it was not only college night, but bachelorette party hell, and to top it off, one of the bars had hosted a pole dancing exhibition earlier in the evening and the pole dancers were drunk and on the loose. It was horrid. Cheese ball city.

But there was some entertainment from our own Helena. While sitting in the piano bar surrounded by mobs of drunken bachelorette partiers, a very large muscled man came up to our table and spoke closely to Helena. Apparently he asked her some thing about how his friend should approach a woman he was interested in. He was sort of throwing out a line, being a little obnoxious, but otherwise harmless. Or so we thought. A few moments later, Helena looked down to discover her wallet which she had in the loose pocket of her over sized jacket, was missing. Immediately she stormed over to the big muscle man and demanded he return her wallet. Now it was unlikely he would have stuck around the bar after he had he lifted her wallet I thought to myself, but Helena was convinced he took it and she was livid. She tossed a chair, she was seiously pissed off. Helena is normally chill and balanced. None of us had ever seen her this way. She told him she was gonna kick his ass. Flustered and frustrated she returned to our table, all of us stunned, and what do you know... her foot kicked her wallet under the table. It had fallen out of her pocket. I told her she needed to go over to muscle man and fess up. It was pretty damn hilarious. She had gotten so worked up, she convinced herself the biggest guy in the bar had stolen her wallet and she was prepared to take him down. I think she could have done it too.

Friday I ran again. We had a very late start. I like to get up and go, and Amy likes to chill and take her time. Only problem with our travel partnership. I get antsy and want to get going. We wanted to go back to the cool diner we found near Charm City Cakes, The Paper Moon Diner. Super cool place, another Baltimore must see. The place is filled inside and out with Pez dispensers, mannequins, kitchy toys, and the food was pretty great too.

Next on the list was shopping and strolling in nearby Hampden, full of artsy, kitchy, thrift stores, indie shops and more. The John Waters Baltimore I wanted to see. First I needed to find the yarn shop, Lovelyarns, as I decided B'more needed a little knit love left behind. In front of her shop is the most awesome Yarn Graffitti ever. I was glad to see it before she took it down for Spring and summer. The awesome owner Sue, was wonderful and even gave me donated yarn for my project, though of course I bought a little something too. We browsed a while and I found a great sweet shop and had some Cardamom ice cream. Amazing. (Of course I justified this and the goat cheese burger from earlier by the fact that I had run or worked out everyday.)

Then we headed back to tidy up and head on to the Baltimore Aquarium. Helena joined us. I had heard that admission was 1/2 price after 5, but apparently that's only true in the winter months. But we paid full price anyhow and enjoyed the quiet time. It really is the best time of day to visit. So much more enjoyable than if you went during peak field trip hours. Earlier on my run, I noted a dozen or more school buses parked near the aquarium. After 5 it was much more quiet.

For our final evening, Amy had arranged to meet an old school friend she grew up with and hadn't seen in 20 years. We had heard that Fell's Point had more places our speed; good food, beer, music. Laid back bars with no pole dancers. We found the perfect place. It was raining a little so we took a cab, and our driver dropped us right in front of Bertha's. Bertha's is known for their mussles - thus the famous "EAT BERTHA'S MUSSELS" bumper sticker. So we had mussels, and beer, and Paella. It was perfect. We had the best table in the house and camped out there all night. A fantastic blues band played, we laughed and had a fantatsic time. I kicked back with a beer and my yarn and went to work knitting. You've thought no one had ever knit in a bar. Everyone was interested in my project. Just in time for the band's last set, I finished. It was certain that this perfect evening had to be marked - so I left my gift behind on the lightpost just outside our window.

The next day, on our way out, Amy and I went back to Fell's Point for brunch and to check on my project. We also ate the best thing ever (I'm pretty sure it's on the website This Is Why You're Fat)
Behold the Maryland Tater Tots - Fried Tater Tots covered in Crab Dip and Cheese.

I know I know. Worst most disgusting thing ever. No run could make up for that. So I have no room to bitch about not being able to loose that stubborn 10 lbs I've been working on for a year.
The first step is admitting you have a problem right? I still feel like I'm detoxing from that trip.

This Sisyphean journey

2010-04-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

I am feeling really discouraged. I am making no progress.
This month was full of trips and drinking and though I exercised, I may have actually overdone it and injured myself, rendering my recovery efforts far less than I would hope. I have had to rest my aching hip a few days, so I took a few days off from the gym, which I hate, and it just helps gets me even further out of my routine. When I run I am getting a sharp pain in my left hip, so I rested, and got new running shoes, but this week it was acting up again. Had my limping all the next day.
I went to my doctor this morning. I am 10 lbs up from last year. Though I knew that, it's just so discouraging. I have been trying so hard. The worst part is his scale was reading 8 lbs over mine at home. But he still said I was just up 10 from my last visit last spring.
He thinks my hip pain is a hip flexor strain, from over doing it running. Basically I didn't train enough for my long runs. I went from my regular 5k run/walk to a 10k. Too big a jump, and my body is rebelling. Damnit. He's going to have me go to physical therapy to have a gait anaylsis.
I am also getting my thyroid checked. I haven't had it done, and with the little progress I have made, I feel like it can't hurt.
So I am still at the same weight I have been since February. I feel so big. This is insane. I feel like nothing I do works. I need a new attitude. It's so hard to keep it all up with no results. I know I am doing the right thing - and I know I have room to improve. I won't quit - I'd rather stay this size than go back to where I was a few short years ago. But I really want to see this through. Will I ever win? Will I ever see my goal weight? Ever?
I need to get my groove back. Doesn't help that I just polished off the freaking awesome ice cream sandwhich ice cream cake my girl brought over for knit night last night. I am so gross. And my mom is cooking out tomorrow night for a get together with my brother (who is visiting from Dubai -where he works - first time in 5 years) Seriously it will be all junkfood. She cooks like Paula Dean. And I have money on her making the Barefoot Contessa's brownies. I am doomed. And I have to miss my step class to go to the cookout. So no workout tomorrow.
Ok if I can manage to not gain 5 more lbs this weekend - Sunday I will get a fresh fantastic start. I promise myself to make reasonable choices. Next week I bring it back hard to the gym. I am reducing my calories - to what I would take in at my goal weight and I'm sticking with that. It has to work.

I will not be defeated. I will not be defeated. I will not be defeated.
(If I say it enough maybe I'll believe it again.)
Except for that icecream cake - it got me.

As for Baltimore - I still need to get around to writing about that trip. Mostly it was drinking, art, and junkfood. More gluttony I am paying penance for. But I have some funny pictures and stories to post soon.

Team Andy

2010-04-27T06:14:00.001-07:00

Andy and I are going to be participating in the Autism Society of Central VA 5K on May 29th!
Last year I ran in the 5K - but Andy really wanted to be a part of it this year, so I promised him we would get together his own team!
We have started a fund raising page and a team, named "Team Andy" of course.
(We don't have shirts lined up yet - but if you're on our team - plan to wear RED - his favorite color.)
What we really want to do is get a great big team together and be the biggest team at the event this year - but if you can't make it to the event your donations are also welcome. Even $1 helps add up to make a big impact. So far we are doing amazing - beyond anything I imagined!

We hope you will take this opportunity to show your support for Andy and other local families that live with the challenges of ASD by joining us in this event, or by making a donation, as well as encouraging all your friends to join us for
"Racing to solve the puzzle".

Give to our fund raising page

Join our team here

My East Coast Tour - My crazy two weeks of Vacation! Part 2

2010-04-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

So on the the next part of my Spring Break trip.... Disney.

My parents had already planned to go to Disney. They planned it when I was still engaged to Stephen. The plan was that while we went on our honeymoon, they would take Andy to Disney for the week. Well their plans never change though mine did. They invited me to come along too, but I didn't want to spend the whole time with my parents, thus the New Orleans adventure.

So Monday morning after a run (surprisingly not hungover) I packed my bags and headed to the airport. My mom had booked my tickets for me, so I had to fly to Houston, then to Orlando - crazy detour. On the first flight I got to sit next to a lovey dovey couple coming home from their honeymoon, lucky me. Well I must have been somewhat out of it (sickened from the wedded bliss) , as I misread my ticket and thought I had a long layover in TX. I read my arrival time as my departure time.Nice work huh? I was sitting in the freaking airport knitting for like 2 hours or more before I realized my stupid mistake. Fortunately they got me on the next flight to Orlando, but I didn't arrive at the hotel until like 1am.

This was Andy's third Disney trip in a year! We took a Disney vacation this past summer for 9 days. My parents and I have taken very few vacations over the years and they loved that trip so much. In fact they loved Disney so much they bought into the Disney Vacation Club so that they could go on vacations more often. And they have. They took Andy back to Disney Labor Day weekend, to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween party.So by now - Andy thinks he owns Disney.
(I did not go on that trip as I stayed home for the first week back to work. I also tried to reconcile with STR on our own weekend getaway to DC for which I flipped the bill.)

We stayed at the Boardwalk Resort on the Disney property. I don't care who you are, kids or no kids, or if you think you are too cool for Disney - Disney resorts are the shit. The service is awesome and everything is pretty much flawless. The food is fantastic, the people are insanely nice. It really is wonderful and I highly recommend it. As long as your company is good - you will have an amazing time. The Boardwalk had lots of grownup stuff to do, a piano bar and dance hall, but none of which I checked out personally.

They also had a nice gym, which I worked out at once, and I ran 2 out of 3 days as well. The pathway between the Boardwalk, Dolphin and Swan Resorts, Beach and Yacht Club Resorts makes a lovely run.

I love my momma, but she is so crazy moody. My step dad Jim took on the role of peacemaker, which I can't begin to tell you what a turn of the tables that is. I wish the woman would get some hormones. I really don't think I can do another vacation with her. It's too stressful. But she plans a great trip, and they both can hang in there walking all day with no problem. Interestingly, I think I may have bonded more with Jim over the stress of my dear mother's mood swings. He was really great.

We spent the first day at Hollywood Studios. We even got to see the lovely Julie, a lovely girl who works as the park that we befriended on our trip last summer. Julie works at one of the restaurants, Hollywood and Vine. When we first visited the restaurant in June Andy was freaked out by the characters, particularly the Little Einsteins, who were his end all be all favorites just a few years back. The characters visit you at the restaurant while you eat. My mom thought he'd love it, but their super size versions sent him into over stimulation freak out mode and he wouldn't go in the restaurant. So Julie, with her sweet British accent, like a real life Mary Poppins, helped talk to him and calm him down, and they helped us to find a quiet back room he could eat in and not be bothered with the characters. (The Disney people are amazing with special needs kids. Andy can get overwhelmed and has a really hard time waiting. We get a special services pass and we get to use shorter lines and speed pass lines. It's the only way we could do anything, otherwise the trip would be a nightmare. They really take care of everyone.) This time, he remembered the restaurant and wasn't keen on going in, though he had already gotten over much of his character fear, and found ways to deal with it. (One way he'd been okay with the super size guys was to get on Paw Paw's shoulders, so he would be bigger than them.) We managed to talk him down and get him to go sit with the promise none of the characters would bother him. And on the way out we saw Julie and the really helpful manager Eric. And they remembered us too. So we had ourselves a little Disney reunion. Reminds me I need to email her....

We did a day of Epcot, which had the Flower and Garden Show going on. It really inspired me to get going planting things at the house, if only it wouldn't rain every weekend so I could do some yardwork. Andy loves Epcot he's such a science kid.

Our last day we went to the Main Park, The Magic Kingdom. We had pretty much already done everything before, but it's still fun! Here are a few shots form that day.

Not much else to tell, we wound up on a delayed flight home, sat in the airport forever, all of us cranky on on each other's nerves. But we made it home, and Andy had a ball, and in the end he's all that really matters.

I was home long enough to wash some clothes, cut the grass, and pack again. I tagged along with my girlfriend Amy to go to the National Art Education Conference in Baltimore. Big fun - tales to come in part 3...

A big shift

2010-04-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

With all the trips and such I have been taking, and ones I am planning, I am coming to realize something. I am starting to be okay with life with me and Andy. No one else. I decided this year needed to be a year of celibacy, to get myself back together and I am no where near ready to date. At 35, that's quite a break from the dating pool if the clock is ticking. But I think that clock is quieting down. I don't really feel like we're incomplete anymore. Before last year I wanted to find someone so bad and I wanted more kids so bad, but after what I went through with Stephen this past year, well I am done. I had the picture in my mind that there would be a husband and more children, and that was the vision I had been working towards. But it's not happening. And it's okay. One of the reasons I think it all was so bad is that I put up with more because I wanted to believe our love was the real thing. That desire helped to destroy me. I have finally come to realize that I am fine with my life the way it is. I am beginning to picture a new future, one that doesn't include someone who may not exist, one that is totally about me and Andy. I see Andy and I being able to travel and do things that as a couple or larger family we could not do - a life of freedom to do our own thing. And it's really special and exciting. I am finally beginning to see life as complete the way it is. I still have my moments, but it's getting better, and my picture is really taking a big shift.
I am really getting excited about this new picture for my future. Andy and I are going to take on the world.

My East Coast Tour - My crazy two weeks of Vacation! Part 1

2010-04-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

I have been on 3 trips in the last 2 weeks.
It was a blast, I am exhausted, and totally broke! I am up a few pounds, which is maddening, but it could have been worse, so I just keep plugging away...

I did manage to exercise most days, I made mostly good food choices, and a few splurges. Now that I am home I am taking another look at my diet (said as in what I eat - not diet as in four letter word )
I am trying to keep with My Daily Plate, which I love, but then work back in weight watchers and counting my points again. As long as I have been at this, I should be making more progress, and I am not. Although I stay in my BMR daily calorie allowance, and I usually eat the calories burned in exercise, and I am keeping in a 30/30/40 nutrient ratio - nothing is really moving and I think my diet needs tweaking. When I go back in my food diary and compare, most days are within points ranges, but others are way higher than they should be. So I am trying to get a handle on it. It's really frustrating.

First trip was to New Orleans. My wedding date was supposed to be April 3rd, and no way was I going to let the weekend pass casually. No way. It had to be good. So I planned a trip to New Orleans for Easter weekend. I had several pals say they would come with me, but no one could commit, and no matter what, I was going! I have a super fun sweet cousin in Florida who was up for a weekend trip. And her cousin, Ben is living in New Orleans for a bit while he works with a movie production in town until August. So the 3 B's did NOLA. I couldn't have had better company. I had just the perfect amount of solo vacation with fun friends. It was perfect.
Bridget couldn't join me until Saturday afternoon, and I flew in on Friday night. When looking online for things to do, I discovered the Crescent City 10K was Saturday morning. Having just run the Richmond race, I knew I could do it, but should take it a tiny bit easier so I could hang for a night out in the Big Easy later.
The race was great! It was the perfect thing to do on that day. I was doing something good for me, and moving on. It was symbolic - running - something I should have done long ago, running from that destructive relationship - running for my life, my sanity, my health, my son. There are so many ways to look at it.
I ran in just 5 or 6 min over my Richmond time. I walked a little more, there were many walkers mixed in with the runners - a really unorganized start, so there was more weaving around people to do, and there were many times I just had to stop and snap a picture. There were crazy people everywhere! I started the race next to a band of frat boys dressed as Ninja Turtles carrying a cart with a keg of beer, drinking at 8 am, and their girlfriends, dressed in gold and black - and I mean gold lame' and sequins - that were doing jello shooters. Crazy. People were passing out shots and jello shooters and donuts along the way, bands playing, Crews dressed up. It was fun. And to top it off - at the festival at the end of the race - there was FREE BEER. Free. Seriously. And free food - red beans and rice and jambalaya. Nothing that I could see was for sale - and free massages too. Really awesome. I will be back next year and I'm doing that again. For real.

After my free massage and a few too many beers, I took the bus back to Canal St and walked back to my hotel where I showered and napped until Bridget arrived. Ben showed up just after and off we went - to Bourbon St of course! We started at Pat O'Briens for a few Hurricane's and food (they have the best wings!) and then off to find Blues - The Funky Pirate with Big Al Carson, and the debauchery went on till 4am - including taking Ben to strip clubs at Bridget's suggestion. Poor guy. But we had a ball. And boy were we all rough the next day. Reminders to all of us how young we aren't.

It took a while to get going on Easter Sunday. We had Beignets to eat, mass (okay - really we were too hung over for mass, but don't tell Aunt Mary Jane), reservations at Muriels in Jackson Square, and parades to see. We caught the Chris Owens Easter Parade just before brunch. Brunch was lovely. Incredible oysters! I was really excited about the Gay Easter Parade and boy, it did not disappoint! The costumes, hats, frills, oh man it was fun! Bridget had to work Monday, so she left before the Gay Parade, but Ben hung in there with me and we had a ball.
I finished the evening off solo, but with everyone so lit up with all the festivities from the day - it wasn't difficult to make friends. I befriended a local girl in a gay bar who took me around to a few local traditions, Cafe Lafitte in Exile - where nightly at 9:30 they have "Love is in the Air" - (when the song plays - bar napkins fly into the air), her favorite dive bar, and Yo Mama's for a late night Peanut Butter Bacon Burger. (So incredibly gluttonous - but really if you are going to be bad - well...)
I did run 3 miles the next day.

Next up - Disney with the family.....

Well I did it!

2010-03-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

And there are no pictures to prove it yet, so you'll just have to take my word for it. (My mom burned up her camera battery taking pictures of everyone in costume - so the battery ran out before I ran by) My parents and my son were at mile 6 to cheer me on to finish - and finish I did - in the same time as last year - 74 min. Remarkable, as I really feel like I was in better shape last year. I was a few lbs lighter, and had been running more consistently, so I feel like the time I did today was a major accomplishment. The official time isn't in yet, via my timing chip, but according to my watch which I started a minute late, I finished in 1:13, and the Nike plus, which I started in line was 1:15 - so I figure I'm right about there.
One down one to go! Now next week should really be great! New Orleans here I come!

edit - - - official results = 1:15 - so I was one little minute off - still very proud!

I signed up to run what?!

2010-03-26T07:00:00.001-07:00

Oh man - I must have been really confident when I signed up for the race - because I am in a wave 10 minutes faster than last year's time. What was I thinking? Oh well - here goes..... Take off at 9:13 tomorrow

Comment problem you say?

2010-03-24T07:51:00.001-07:00

I heard there was a problem with leaving comments.
I think I have found the fix to the issue. Hope it works.
Thanks!

A long overdue Thank you!

2010-03-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

I received my first award! It's the Sugar Doll award, and well, I am just excited to be nominated!

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the Person who gave you this award (

Thank you Keri - you are such a sweetie!

2. Give to 5 bloggers and write why they have made your life a lil sweeter.

(see below)

3. Write why you where given this award.

According to super sweet Keri "This girl is super sweet & her little man could not be cuter. She also leaves awesome comments and her blog is really down to earth and honest." Thanks girl - I think my guy is pretty cute too

4. Tell the other bloggers u gave them this award.
So here are my 5:

1)MOM - NOS Hers was the first blog I ever followed. When I realized my son was on the spectrum, I started searching around for info and autism support and fortunate for me I found her. The stories of her "Bud" mirrored my own monkey and her words helped me to learn about and understand my boy.

Do not miss this March's posts. They are AMAZING. She recounts a visit to her son's school where she met with his class of 4th graders to answer their questions about autism. Incredible posts!!

2) Jo @ http://www.jagsfitnessblog.com/ She just kicks but! And although she's across the pond, and I can't always get my hands on her products and get all of her recipes right, I love how she posts her food pics, workouts, nutritional breakdown. I love that she's an awesome strong momma!

3) Mrs FatAss @http://didijusteatthatoutloud.blogspot.com/ This girl is hilarious and totally makes me think of someone I'd hang out with in real life. That chick kills me. Lady Nuts - that's all I have to say. I want to bring her to knit nite.

4) Sheryl @ http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/

This woman is fierce. I am completely blown away by the 2 year plateau she has pushed past and keeps pushing. She is the most perseverant person and I truly admire her. She never quits, despite minor flubs or set backs, she's right back at it. And she is a rockstar. Punk Rope? That rules. I want in.

5)/http://sooverfat.blogspot.com/ Girl Get it! You are 1/2 way there! She blogs honestly and lets it all out there.

There are so many bloggers I adore, and find more daily. I am so grateful to all of them for their stories, support, inspiration, and community.
Thank you for stopping in and supporting me.

Now as a thank you, I want to share a little something sweet with you all. My new favorite treat of the week. I am working on getting my protein up and carbs down. But I have a sweet tooth and I love dessert. So I came up with this low cal treat. It's a modified version on Hungry Girl's Quick Tiramisu Pudding.

1/4 cup of part skim ricotta

2 tbspn fat free whipp topping

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 tsp. Splenda

1 tspn. unsweetened cocoa powder

dash of cinnamon

mix it up and enjoy - its that easy

100 calories / 5 grams of fat / 20 chol / 85 sodium / 6 carbs / 5 sugar / 0 fiber / 7 protein

Making a run for it

2010-03-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm not a big fan of running - but now that I'm in some sort of shape, and a non smoker (quit for good after a tonsillectomy 2 1/2 years ago) well I really enjoy the fact that I CAN run. Last year I ran my first ever races. First the Holton Elementary 5K, followed by the Monument Ave 10K, the Komen Race For The Cure 5K, and the Autism Society 5K. I never ran before EVER prior to Oct 08. I had convinced myself I couldn't do it. I was too fat, my boobs too big, I would hurt something - oh no - running was not for me. So I proved myself wrong.
Last year I thought a 10k was ridiculous - too far, I couldn't make it. But then someone said simply "No one says yo have to run the whole thing silly, you just have to finish." And finish I did - 74 min - ran the whole way.

This years' race is Sat! I am not sure if I will run the whole thing this year and it doesn't matter. I'm doing it - and I will finish. This year my mom and son will be cheering me on!
I have been taking step 3 times a week, which is such high cardio I totally consider it training. I run a 5K on Tuesdays, and I have been running intervals too. I haven't really trained per say, but I noticed a big difference in my 5k run tonight. I usually walk 2 min every 10 min, but I felt like tonight, if it weren't for my droopy pants that kept slipping, I could have run the whole thing no problem.
And to top it off it's not my only run coming up! Oh no, the next weekend I have another!.
I'm going to New Orleans for Easter weekend. Sat, April 3rd was supposed to be Stephen and I's wedding. I can't just let the date slide by, it needs to be good. My parents are taking Andy to Disney, and I will join them, but not until after a good girl's weekend. I struck out finding any friend to commit to the trip, but my adorable cousin Bridget who lives in FL is going to join me Saturday.
I'm arriving Friday night. Well I was thinking of how cool it'd be to wake up Sat and going for a long exploration run through the quarter - something you don't get to do unless you are traveling alone. Then I found out there is the Cresent City 10k that day - so I registered! It ends with the Crecent City Classic Festival in City Park from 9-1. I am pumped!
I plan to get tore up Sat night - to celebrate my close call. Somewhere in there I will need some bignets and Pat O'Briens wings and a hurricane or 12 . I think a 10 k will earn me a little bit of gluttony.But just a little, I promise. The scale is finally going back down and I don't want to totally blow it.
Frankly I can't think of a better metaphor for the day than running - it's what I should have done in the begnning.

Breaking through.

2010-03-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

I am at a nasty plateau. It is so frustrating. I am up and down, and teetering at 188-190. I work out 6 days a week, I track my food and stay with in my daily calorie allotment of 1770. I eat a 30-30-40 macronutrient ratio (not at each meal but overall for the day) I watch sodium, though it's still high, I eat less processed food than I used to, drink less caffine, and I eat less sugar. I was increasing my calorie intake for the calories burned in my workouts, but I thought it would help to cut back on that - nope - nothing helped. I wonder if I eat too much, not enough, if I work out too much, if I need more cardio, less cardio.... It's making me insane.
In comes my lovely and wonderfully snarky friend Adrien who has had her own struggles with weight loss, who seems to have conquered it. (She's been a slim and fit little thing since I've known her.) She suggested I try The New Rules for Lifting for Women . Honestly I think she suggested it before, and I was like, "yeah yeah okay" But seriously, something has to give. I am ready for the next thing.
With the workouts I'm doing, I really should be seeing better results. So obviously my body has gotten used to them, and I am working my ass off with out actually working my ass off.
The premise of the book is that to increase your metabolism, and get your body burning fat, you need to build muscle. Not how I've been doing it with light weight and high reps, but heavy weight, breaking down muscle fibers and getting stronger and while getting leaner.
I do see progress with what I have been doing. I feel much more fit, even though technically I have lost very little weight. This weekend I went dancing. It was Bollywood night at Cous Cous , I had the best time. I was drinking and dancing on chairs, lots of photos taken, including this one,

I swear I nearly cried I couldn't believe I looked so, dare I say, skinny. I actually saw a photo from another friend who shot pics tht night, and asked if she had more, as one of her images had a shot where I thought my arm looked skinny- and I wanted to see if there were any other pictures, just so I could be sure. I'm such a dork. But I really needed that boost, after this frustration with the scale.

So okay - there are results. I am on the right track, and I am armed with good information, and a solid foundation. But I am about to switch things up. I met with a trainer at the gym yesterday. We had a great talk, he understands I am at a big plateau, that I know what I'm doing and I am ready to start working differently in the gym. He really worked me hard with some different exercises. I can't wait to get started. I am still working my way through the book, and Adrien has offered to work with me setting some workouts up as well.
Wish me luck.

In other news, I have been taking a graduate book making class, with the plan that I would be entering the "Master's Of Interdisciplinary Studies" Program (an arts degree track designed for art teachers) at VCU. It's a great program designed at making art teachers artists again. It's a lot of studio work and interesting classes. You take a class a semester , off campus, on evening a week. Well, I had thought I could do it, but I think when I originally planned to do it, I had expected to have a little more help, and another person in the house. Well between babysitting and just finding space and time to work, I am just not into it. Andy is getting ready to start soccer, he already has boy scouts on Mondays, and I have knit nights on Wednesdays, so I can have at least one grown up night a week, and with class on Thursdays - well I have no evenings where I just pick my kid up from school and go home. I take Thursday as my one night off from the gym. Every other night I go straight from picking up the boy to do home work, the gym, errands, walk the dog, make dinner...urgh - I bet stress is the root of my plateau. I am spent. So I am dropping the class. It turns out I am technically not registered, as there was a hold from last semester - so there will be no penalty. I feel like a slacker for letting go of seeking my masters, but I will get back to it one day. This just isn't the time. I'm relieved and feeling guilty at the same time.

And I am still waiting for Andy's diagnosis and report from VCU, but meanwhile I want everyone I know to go read Mom-NOS. There is some seriously great blogging going on over there. Here's the scenario - her son attends public school in the general ed classroom, with an aide. The students have known her son for sometime, and were starting to ask questions - and to make a long story short she was given an opportunity to speak to the students and answer their questions. For the full story, go to her blog, and read back to the post dated Feb 20th up to today. This writing is amazing. There is a book in there. I would be willing to pay now for a copy when it is written. Please read. It's the best explaination about what autism is I have heard in some time.

20 questions

2010-03-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Kenz at All The Weigh posted this questionnaire yesterday as a get to know her followers idea. I thought I turn my answers into a blog post. Took me a while to finish this, but I'd love to see your answers.

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday? Getting a great start to the day with a good workout - getting a bike to get in the RPM class, a little solo shopping, and ending the day with good friends hanging out at my house, laughing, snackin and drinking wine.

2) List your top three favorite TV shows...I don't watch much TV to have 3 favorites - I LOVE Glee, the new show Parenthood looks great - and features a story line about learning a child has Asbergers -which of course I relate to, The Office and 30 Rock never disappoints, and The Marriage Ref is redonkulous.

3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them? I am freakishly photogenic, so I'd rather be in them. I am very lucky.

4) Why do you blog? I get so much from the blogs I read. I wanted to share my story about my son, and now that I am working on myself too, I wanted to talk about that. I really now have 3 blogs in one. If I keep it up I may separate the topics - I don't even know if anyone reads my jibberish now, lol.

5) Share five websites that you visit everyday...
My Daily Plate
Facebook
several blogs - All The Weigh , Bitch Cakes , MOM - NOS to name a few favs
Richmond Mommies
Etsy

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be?
one? I miss my friends and never seem to have enough time to get a good lunch date in - I'd really like to spend and afternoon with @modernjune . I love how you get to know people online through blogs - and I'm really enjoying getting to know @alltheweigh and @bitchcakesny - either of those girls would be a great NY lunch date. But ya know if given the chance well I couldn't turn @lennykravatiz down.

7) List a few of your favorite snacks...
nutella on toast, anything chocolate, a smoothie made with almond milk, and greek yogurt

8) Do you have a pet? If so, what kind? We adopted Arthur a 1 year old Puggle from hell in January. He's sweet and evil all rolled into one adorable package.

9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without? My iPhone, my laptop, my car

10) What's your favorite drink? Coffee, water - lots of it, and red wine

11) Do you enjoy cooking? Sometimes. I love to cook, but I hate to clean up. It's not as much fun to cook for yourself, and Andy is happy with Ramen and Mac and Cheese from a box. But I love to entertain, so I can make all sorts of treats to share. I love having friends over.

12) Do you have children? Of course, the monkey, my 6 1/2 year old self proclaimed "best kid in the world " Andy (that's actually how he introduces himself - "Hi I'm Andy, I'm 6 1/2 years old and I'm the best kid in the world")

13) What are your favorite hobbies? Whatever my crafty thing is at the moment. Knitting, sewing, jewelry, crochet.... I'm very crafty, but I have a hard time calling myself an artist. I'm starting a graduate art program, where I'm learning to explore that, and be able to call myself an artist again.

14) Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing? uh - I think it's pretty apparent I'm outgoing. Don't you

15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? I'm working on all sorts of things. I want to be a better friend, a nicer, more patient person.. I feel like I am too self involved at times, and I tend to feel disconnected from people because of it - I really want to work on that. I think I've become disconnected and colder over the years as a result of my relationships, and I don't like what it's done to me.

16) Who is your favorite actor/actress? I don't really care about that stuff - I like Zooey Deschanel's hair - I'm growing mine out in hopes of getting that look.

17) What's the silliest thing you've done this week? I got really drunk at knit night and wound up waxing my lip and my friend Erika's lip while Nikki photographed the whole thing. Ridiculous. Sometimes I think I am the big joke of that group - they must think I am the biggest dork. I am so good at making an ass of myself.

18) Do you live near your family or far from them? I live close enough to my parents, but far enough away. They are 45 min away, so Andy can spend weekends with them and we can meet in the middle on occasion. 2 of my 3 older brothers live in town, but we don't see each other often, we aren't close. I lived down the street from Mike when Andy was a baby, and rarely saw him, he never came by to check on us. He's single and keeps to himself. And my brother Jeff, his wife and 2 girls live out in the 'burbs, but we maybe see them a few times a year. We never get invited to birthdays or anything. I stopped inviting them to stuff and trying to get together, because they never come, or claim to be too busy. So we see them for an occasional obligatory holiday - maybe once in the summer, and at Christmas. Let's just say they have different priorities when it comes to who they choose to spend their time with. I'm a single mom, and my kid is "special" so you know, what would the neighbors say. It's sad too - Andy craves family and would love to spend time with his cousins.

19) List three of your talents...artist, great visual learner - I can learn any craft, and I like to think I'm a good momma (I mean if my kid thinks he's the "best kid in the world" I must be doing something right)

20) What is your greatest attribute?I've been told that I'm an optimist. I had a 2 good friends (actually both high school boyfriends) tell me that this year. It kinda surprised me. They both said to me over chats online that I was always an optimist (gotta love that Facebook for reconnecting with old friends - btw they are both happily married now) I never really saw that in myself, but I'm starting to own that a little more. I'm trying to live that a little better. I truly don't believe that there's any other way to be. You have to keep positive where ever positive. Life is gonna happen like it or not. And no matter what comes my way, I always seem to land on my feet.

Now it's your turn...I'd love to know your answers to these questions. Feel free to answer as few or as many as you'd like. I'm looking forward to it.

Getting a Label -Andy's diagnosis.

2010-03-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

The No Child left Behind act now requires that children have a label or diagnosis at age 6 - I never actually got an official diagnosis for Andy of Asperger Syndrome. It was just obviously what fit him best - how we've always described his behaviors.

We entered the school system when Andy was 3 1/2 and have always gotten the services we needed - our teachers understood him, and the school supports him, so it was never a pressing issue. Until now it was never an issue to have a "lable". Andy was up for "re eligibility" for special services in school (every 3 years you determine if the child is still eligible for sped services) - and he was now at the age with NCLB that he needed a "lable". So the school just put Andy through a bunch of testing and observations, as well as sent us Child Savers for a "diagnosis" in which the "doctor" didn't even talk to Andy - she talked to me while Andy sat and colored. It was a joke. (Not to dimish their organization and what good they do - just in this case they were ineffective.) Then they took months to get the report to us so we could have his re eligiblity meeting. Then when we finally got the report it said Andy was neither Asbergers or Autistic.
None of his teachers agree. Neither do I.

All along I knew we'd eventually need an official diagnosis. Andy presents very unusually so it's difficult for them to figure him out - so they just call it PDD or DD - which isn't the whole story. It doesn't address any of Andy's issues or behaviors or the root there of. They say he's just DD - because they can't check all the boxes to give a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

Andy presents very atypical, so it's a hard call - but Asbergers is the closest. I wish we didn't have to worry about putting a lable on him. But the truth is, it helps other people understand his behavior so we can get him pointed in the right direction and continue making great progress - so he can continue to be the awesome, intelligent, delightful kid he is.

On a reccomendation from another parent , I called Dr Oswald at The VA Treatment Center For Children at VCU - to make an appointment with them.

First of all, when I called I spoke with Dr Oswald personally. (Very unusual in my experience.) There was a wait for the appointment - but not as long as the minimum 6 month wait for the other Child Benavioral Specialist in Richmond. Then after filling out tons of paperwork, survey, and forms, we had our appointment Thursday Feb 25th in the morning.

When we got there we met with Dr Oswald. He did about an hour long play interview with Andy which was observed (one way mirror) by the OT Speech pathologist, an educational specialist/VCU education professor, and a child physcologist, and several students. Then the OT and Speech pathologist took Andy to work with him another hour/half hour or so, while I was interviewed, then we all gathered to talk about him for another hour.

I spent an hour with a panel of 7 people all who were focused on my son. Aproximately 8 graduate students from different degree tracks observed. It was awesome. In the 3 hours they spent with him, they got a great picture of Andy and how he works. In our meeting all I could do was nod and listen. I felt very validated. I was especially impressed with the Speech Pathologist and her articulate decription of Andy's difficulty with Pragmatic language. I wish I had recorded it or has someone else with me to take notes. Not only were they dead on with Andy and really understood him and spoke very articulately about him and his behaviors which I often have trouble with (being able to articulate it that is) , but they offered suggestions and also offered to attend a new IEP meeting for him, as they felt his IEP was written incorrectly. Andy's IEP adresses his behaviors not the root of the behavior and the Educational Specialist felt that the IEP team needed to try another approach or we are not going to make progress.

They are leaning toward Asberger's of course, but Andy presents so unusually - and I am really looking forward to getting the full report. They assured me I would get a comprehensive report within a few weeks. I am anxiously awaiting the report. I really feel like it's going to take us to the next step.
I will be sure to share it when it arrives and I get a chance to digest the information.

Big Winner!

2010-03-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

Andy won the Pinewood Derby. Out of all the cars racing in his Boy Scout Den - his Sponge Bob car beat all of them. Thanks to the expert Pinewood Derby Car building skills of Paw Paw, my little guy was the big Champ this weekend!

My stepdad Jim approached me at the beginning of the year about doing BoyScouts with Andy. He offered to take him every week, even though it meant driving to Richmond from Williamsburg on the Mondays he has his meetings. I of course agreed, as it's so wonderful to have this male influence in his life. Jim never had children of his own, and my parents married when I was 12. Andy is his boy. He has so much fun with him. I am very grateful for their relationship.

Not only does Andy get to do a great boy activity with his Paw Paw, but I get a few Mondays a month to grocery shop alone. As a single mom, with a really active Asbergian son, who hates grocery shopping, you have no idea what a gift this is to me!

The car was painted like Sponge Bob of course, Andy's absolute obsession. Andy dosen't have the unusual obsessions like many Aspies - instead his are age appropiate, and change as he gets older. We've been through Thomas, The Little Einsteins, The Magic School Bus (which is the root of his Human Body obsession - he loves learning the organs and inner workings of the human body)and Yo Gabba Gabba (briefly) . But his obsessions encompass his whole world. Clothes, converstations, tons of sketchbooks full of spongebob drawings, spelling snetances with Sponge Bob as the topic, Sponge Bob as the main subject in most of his art projects, Sponge Bob Halloween costume, and more. When Andy loves something, he loves it like no other.

I have yet to blog about it, but a week ago last Thursday, I took Andy to VCU's VA Treatment Center for Children, to be evaluated by the Pervasive Developmental Delay team. It was amazing. I am awaiting their report and when I can speak about it a little more articulately I will. I will give a little play by play on the day later this week.

As far as my weekend goals - here's how I did;
Friday - I did step, but didn't feel like I worked it as much as I could have, but still my HR monitor showed 600 calories. My parents were running late and I totally could have stayed for the body pump class after wards as usual, but oh well. That evening I went out to see a few bands - friends from back in high school. Good times. I tied one on for sure, but stuck to clear alcohol and tonic.

Saturday- I made it to the gym finally after waiting all morning for my mom, to get it together and drop them off at the Boy Scout event. I admit my hangover didn't help motivate me much either. I only got on the treadmill for 10 min, and ran a mile, when my mom called and told me to get back that the race was going to start on time. After that I was so hungry, I left to go to grab lunch. I went to Panera and had a Garden Veggie Soup and 1/2 a veggie sandwhich. I also did a little kid free shopping at Old Navy, as my mom was setting up for the boy scout dinner and awards later that afternoon, and Andy had gone home with a friend to play. I grabbed a few things for Andy and for me too. In retrospect I could have used that time as my running time, but oh well. It was so nice to get some shopping done by myself. At the boy scout dinner I was not able to resist the goodies completely, I did have a nice peice of Do Nothing Cake and some Lasagna. But I did try to log all that I ate. And I didn't get too crazy with portions. I was so tired that night, I never did get to the 30 day Shred, instead, Andy and I watched old Andy Movies on the TV and cuddled. Totally worth it.

Sunday - I did my normal Step and Pump classes back to back (900 calories burned), and then went shopping at Traders Joe's for some goodies for the week. Their food is so great, I have so much fun creating new meals with their food. This time I tried the Biyrani Rice dish and had it for dinner (and lunch today too) with their Curry Chicken Tenders I finished using up from last week's trip to TJ's, topped off with Tzatziki and a side of Broccoli. Andy finished all of his as well. I was doing great until late last night when I remebered that I had Dark Chocolate Covered Ginger - and binged a little. Darn it.

I weighed in this AM at just a 1 lb loss - but it's down - and for that I am grateful. I know I'm doing the right thing, and I am tracking and going to the gym, so I just need to keep it up and push ahead.

Well it's about time.

2010-03-05T10:28:00.000-08:00

The scale finally moved. OMG. Yeah, I am one of those weighs myself each morning. It is astonishing how much the scale can move from day to day seemingly inexplicably - but the morning I weighed in 2 lbs down! Here's the rub, it's Friday. Tonight I am going to a Chinese buffet with my parents. Whoa sodium and oil. I am supposed to go out to see a band this evening, and gosh golly wouldn't mind having a few drinks with these super duper girls who will be there. Saturday all day I will be doing Boy Scout stuff with my mom and they are having a banquet and goodness only knows what they will have. So without carefully asserting my willpower those 2 lbs may never show on the scale. I know they are just numbers, but damnit it happened last weekend too. I was down a lb on Friday, then after my Saturday game night where I had too many snacks and drinks, it dissappeared, and I was at the same ol weight I've been on Monday morning when I count my official weigh in.
Now logic would tell you that if my Friday weigh ins are better maybe I should count my Friday weight rather than Monday. But no, that could be disastrous. I would get over confident on the weekend, make bad choices and sabbotage my self. No, Monday weigh ins keep me honest on the weekend.
So what am I gonna do about this weekend? Here's my strategy. I am keeping my calories low today, and my food lean. I will go to Body Step at 4:30 and sweat my ass off. It's my week in Step class - I picked most of the tracks, and my fabulous instructor Ida is dedicating this weekend to me. We came up with a theme - "kick life in the ass this single chick can take on the world". So here are the tracks for this weekend's classes:

When Will I be famous
Watching You
Just What I needed
Like it Loud
Survivor
Venus or Mars
Burn
9 to 5
Breakthru
Since U Been Gone
Feel It
Lonely No More

I can't wait! I love step class.

As for tonight - I will stick to veggies, no rice, and shrimp dishes. And I will stick to clear alcohol if I do make it out to the bar.

I will do my best to get out to the gym in the morning. Hopefully I will have time to get to the 10:30 RPM Cycle class - I always drip sweat- followed by the abs class. But the Boy Scout event may keep me from my preferred routine, and that's okay - I will figure something out, even if it means doing 30 day shred at night. I will also do my best to plan ahead and bring what food I can and make good choices at the banquet.

And Sunday - my normal routine of Body Step and Body Pump.

I can do this.

I know I moan and groan about the scale not moving, but I realize this is for the long haul, sustainable maintainable progress, and the fact is, I am healthier and more fit everyday. I feel good about what I am doing for my health and my body and I know the rewards will show. I am kicking ass!

Truth be told I have been feeling discouraged and annoyed this week with the lack of support I have been getting from people, or my perceived lack of support. It's more that I am seeking my loved ones to encourage me, and the fact is that is up to me.

My mom is an excellent baker. You cannot go to her house and not be tempted by a nibble of cake or brownie or cookie at every turn. She is a great cook, but terrible at understanding what is healthy cooking. They love food. Paula Dean and Barefoot Contessa are her best friends. Although my parents may do one diet program or another, last time was nutrisystem, they rarely stick with it and get little if any exercise. It's not long before they are back to their old ways, and ordering the worst things on the menu, even though there are plenty of healthy options. I love them and worry, but I have to let them live their own life. So to them, I look like I am being obsessive. I get irritaed when they suggest I skip the gym to do something or eliviate my busy schedule. I am livid when my mom brings baked goods to my house. Last time she brought my son back from a weekend with them she brought a pie of peanut butter pie and a brownie. Don't tell me that's not sabbotage. She also has said more than once that I looked "skinny enough" last summer. Last summer I weighed 180. Still 15 or so lbs away from my goal weight. She's not the only one who says I "look great now". I have been getting that a lot, as if I should just relax and stop being vain. I know I should lighten up, but it annoys me that people seem to think this is a vainity issue. I am getting healthy, and 185 at 5 8 is not a healthy weight or BMI. I still have a ways to go, and this time I won't settle for mediocre. I'm taking it all the way to goal.

Making it pretty

2010-03-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

So I tidied up this here blog. I should be working on my books for my Bookmaking class, but oh well. I am nothing if not a magnificent procrastinator. But a magnificent blogger - oh that I am not. I have been finding all sorts of wonderful people to stalk in the blogosphere. Really great stuff out there. But most folks it seems have different blogs for different facets of their lives. I kinda dig that. I have toyed with splitting this here blog up into a few. I mean I am definitely writing about 3 very different things - single life, parenting a special boy with Asbergers, and weight loss. It's a hot mess. But ya know what - screw it - this is me, all this crap rolled into one package. I am a hot mess. So I'm keepin it all here. I'm not quite sure many folk read this crap I post. And if you do, thanks for reading. Really big hug and kiss for putting up with me. I'm doing my best to keep things interesting.

I really like food.

2010-03-04T05:58:00.000-08:00

I eat a whole lot. I have been stalking what other people are eating on my Daily Plate, and other blogs and if I was eating that I would starve.
I did a week where I still had weight watchers and had started using My Daily Plate. I compared the two and they came out the same. Weight watchers recommends you eat all your daily points and your activity points, and you have flex points for the week. So you think I'd be doing fine - but my scale is frozen.
I don't know what to do. Should I stick with it and keep up what I'm doing? Should I try eating the calorie allowance of my goal weight instead?
So I write down EVERYTHING I eat - and I stay in my daily calorie allowance, and I am no longer eating my calories I earn during exercise. Something has got to give. I won't be able to stick with it if I feel like I'm starving. I am trying to get to my perfect balance of 30% protein, 30% fat and 40% carbs. I am having a hard time cutting carbs. And I eat very little bread. It's sweet stuff that gets me.
Here's what I ate yesterday.

Silk Pure Almond Milk
Frozen Mixed Berries
The Biggest Loser Whey Protein Powder
Egg Beaters
Laughing Cow Original Swiss Light
Purdue Chicken Breast Tenders
Trader Joe's Cuban Style Black Beans
canned corn
The Salsa
Kroger Fat Free Sour Cream
Kraft Free Fat Free Cheddar Cheese
Ole Mexican Foods Extreme Wellness High Fiber Low Carb
Orange
Fiber One Key Lime Yogurt
Blueberries, Raw
The Daily Plate Generic Calorie
Starkist Tuna Chunk Light
Kraft Light Mayo No K
Hellman's Dijonnaise
Mt. Olive Sweet Relish
Skippy Reduced Fat Creamy Peanut Butter
Spaghetti Squash Fresh Micro
DelMonte Stewed Tomatoes Italian Recipe
Mushrooms
Spinach
Kraft Reduced Fat Parmesean Style Grated Topping
Turkey Pepperoni
Apple Pie
Fitness
strength express/warm up .5 mi run=50 min/300 cal

totals:
calories consumed: 1,762; calories burned: 300 Net calories: 1,462
28% protein 23% fat 49% carbs

If you are on My Daily Plate please friend me - ithnkuno is my profile name.

Okay the apple pie may not have been the best. But it was homemade with smart balance and splenda.
A girl's gotta eat.

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1700 Calories

2010-02-23T19:18:00.000-08:00

So tonight my heart rate monitor said 1700 calories! What?! I doubt it. I had to buy a new HR monitor watch because the naughty puggle chewed on my Mio band. I bought a New Balance watch I found at Target and after tonight I'd say it's a little off.
What did I do? Well, I did kick a little ass I must say. I got on the treadmill which I am hating but needed to do badly- and ran 5k. The first 2 miles I did pretty well the first 2 miles or so, but that last mile I struggled. (The Monument Ave 10k is March 27th. Not looking so hot for me to run the whole way like last year - but don't think I won't try. ) Then I took body step - my favorite class ever. One hour of cardio, but with great music, and so much choreography, that it flies by. Great class tonight. Bad ass instructor, who really motivates me, and the tracks tonight were great! I was dripping sweat, and the neoprene belt I had on was certainly helping that. Whew - but I still don't think I burned 1700 calories. Not without going into cardiac arrest.
That said, dispite no loss on the scale this week I am racking up the compliments from my gym regular friends. My effort and changing shape are being noted - and it only makes me want to work harder. I am making it to the gym the 6 days a week I promised myself - with 2 hours Sat and Sun! I am trying to switch a few things up - like Sat morning RPM Cycle class, and focus more on running and cardio.
In April, on the weekend that would have been my wedding, I plan to celebrate the weekend in New Orleans, and then join my parents and son at Disney that following Tuesday - Thursday. I plan on being able to comfortably wear last summer's shorts, that I purchased 10 lbs lighter than I am now. So there's work to be done. And I am on a mission. I sure wouldn't mind a little extra room in those shorts for wings and hurricanes from Pat O's and of course morning beignets from Cafe Du Monde . Wanna come? I'm booking my flight this week and I am still looking for someone to join me.

2010-02-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

I've come a long way baby.

This weight loss thing has been quite a journey. Weight has always been a huge part of my life. I've spent most of my life overweight, and obese. I've been up and down my whole life and I am sick of it. I really want to get to and stay at a healthy fit weight for once and for all.
I started back on Weight Watchers and joined my gym in late spring/early summer 2008. I was somewhere around 230 lbs size 18/20. By the fall I had lost 30 or so, and by winter another 15. Then things kind of slowed down. My body likes 190 - size 14/12. I don't. (I can't tell you how many times I've lost and gotten stuck there only to creep back up again.) So last winter I kicked the exercise into high gear and by spring/early summer 2009 I was at 176. Amazing - over 50 lbs lost. A whole new me - size 10. Though I was still 10 lbs or so away from my goal weight, I settled in at 180, let myself get comfy and gained back a few. With the stress of the move to the new house and the shit hitting the fan with Stephen, a relaxing gluttonous weekend with the girls cost me a 10lb gain - in 3 days! I had quit WW in May and though I thought I had established good patterns and habits, but without tracking I could not get rid of it. Stress was not helping. Over the winter, as we tried again foolishly to reconcile - more stress = 10 more lbs. I had to start over - AGAIN.
I recommitted myself in January and today I am down 12. I'm at the gym 6 days a week, tracking my food, and being good without feeling deprived. But I feel like it's just going so slow. I have been reading some diet and weight watcher blogs like All The Weigh Kenz is doing amazing and such a great positive driven girl - I really like her - and Jag's Diet and Fitness I love how she shows what she ate and logs her calories consumed and burned. I am getting a lot from reading others journeys, but I'm also reading how others are loosing 2 and 3 lbs a week, and I am sort of depressed. I know we all loose at different rates, but I can barely loose a lb a week if I'm lucky. So frustrating. I just found an old post where I was 183.5 last year at this time - this week I am at 188 - so I am really not all that far behind this time last year - but dang, it sucks so bad to be having to do it all again! My goal is to be back at 180 for my Spring Break vacation - so I can fit in my summer shorts for Florida.
I discontinued my Weight Watchers online this week. It's not working for me anymore. I starting tracking on My Daily Plate instead, which has more foods already programmed in. Actually I noticed when I was looking for online info for specific foods that I couldn't find on Weight Watchers and it was always linked to My Daily Plate . They have all the same tools - for free - duh - easy choice. But what I like is that My Daily Plate gives me all the stats like calories, fat, sodium, carbs - stuff that effects your loss but weight watchers keeps you immune to. I think I need to pay attention to that. I may be eating too much sodium, sugar, or over doing the carbs - I don't know what it is, but I am tracking and working out and something is a miss.
I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself during the week - you should stick to once a week, but I do. This week I have gone up and back down to 188 - but I don't seem to be loosing anything. It's so frustrating. So what is going on?
But then again, I am going in the right direction, making good choices and working hard at the gym. I feel good and I have no intention of quitting or giving up. It's just gonna take time and perseverance damnit.
Look how far I've already come:
March 2008 just before rejoining Weight Watchers

and now - taken at the very end of January 2010

I have come a long way in these last few years - and it keeps getting better!

2010-02-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

Funny little Lonely Boy

Andy does not like being an only child. Everyday I get a request for siblings. Poor kid. He's not as bothered by not having a dad around as he is by not having other kids around. He talks about his cousins constantly who unfortunately he rarely sees, including lately his oldest cousin Tori in TX who he has never met and I haven't seen since she was a toddler.
I think the idea really set in during my engagement to Stephen. Stephen comes from a huge family, 4 brothers and a sister, all married and 4 of the 5 couples have children. That's 25 immediate family members. Christmas 2008 they were all together and they took a family portrait. This visual image blew Andy away. All he could think of was that he was going to get to be a part of that big family and have all those cousins. And wait even better, Momma would have a baby once we married and he could have a sibling. Well we all know now how it worked out. Stephen and I split up and the dream of a big family for Andy was over. He was actually pretty ok with Stephen being gone, but the image of the big family, he cannot forget.
He is very matter of fact about not having a dad. He tells anyone and seems to not have an issue with it. I admit, it's sometimes embarrassing to hear your 6 year old tell the grocery store clerk "I don't have a dad." But he says it with no emotion, just in the same manner one might say "I don't have a cat." It is what it is. It wasn't our choice, it's just how it's always been. He doesn't even ask about his father often, and when he does, I just say, "He's just not around." and "i don't know why" and that seems to satisfy him. A dad to him is no big deal, but he really really wants siblings. I think he's lonely.
First he was asking for a twin. He wanted a kid, just like him named Andy to play with - a clone. He really isn't too interested in a baby, more like someone his own age he can play with. This week he has added in the request for a sister - and the whole idea has grown. Here's his idea - there's Andy his twin, then his brother Bobby, and his sister Unicorn (he picked that name because her name had to be pretty and Unicorns are pretty). They will all go to school together and we will have 4 beds in our house, and they can all be a team and play Wii together, so we're gonna need 2 more Wii remotes. And he says "And we need a man I can call Dad and his real name will be Jimmy, no not Jimmy - Cool yeah his name is Cool"
He wants to know where the wishing well is and if magic is real, because he really wants this wish to come true.
So if you pass a wishing well, throw in a wish or two for Andy and I to someday complete our family, I am wishing for that too. And if you meet some guy named Cool, send him my way.

2010-02-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Snuggle your Puggle.

Arthur has come into our home and our hearts this year. We welcomed him home on New Years Eve and we are falling more in love each day. It is so great being a dog person again. I have missed it.
I'm not gonna lie. That little stinker can test my nerves. He's part goat, and chews everything he can get a hold of. My Mac power cable, the fire wire cable for my camera, a shoe, some random other things. He runs off, so you have to be careful, and he is fast. He's stubborn, and you can forget about him coming when you call if he's interested something in the backyard. And he barks, a lot more than I'd like. The cats in the neighborhood are having a good time taunting him. And he attacks the vacuum cleaner, on or off - it's the enemy. I started off with the best intentions of being strict and keeping this not a dog house, tried hard to keep him off the furniture, but who am I kidding? He's a lap dog. And he's quite persistent.

But bit by bit he is simmering down. I really do love that Puggle.
The snow has made it hard to get him out to run off some energy. We have all been cooped up a little too long.

To cure some cabin fever, the other day we had a playdate with our neighbor Pug Musgy, which we hope to do more of.
We've also been venturing in to the social society of the dog owner, we've been to Bark Park a few times, the local dog park, and even to Wonton the Pug's birthday party. Arthur is a Puggle who loves to party let me tell you.

Thank you Mr. Puggle for sharing this.
A Puggle was on the Today Show yesterday.
We are Puggle people now:)

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2010-02-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

It's already February. And Richmond is covered in snow. I've had a beautiful 3 days out of school. Andy, spent the weekend with Nana and Paw Paw, my first real momma break since before Thanksgiving. I went on a date, hung out with two of my favorite people, and found myself a little peace and quiet and time to knit. I love snow days.
I finally got Andy's packet out to VCU. He goes in on Feb 25th for an official diagnosis with Dr Oswald. Up to this point we've had nothing officially called, nothing but the educational diagnosis of PDD (pervasive developmental delay). This suited me just fine. I don't really need a label for my kid, right? He's Andy. But I've been using the autism and Asbergers Syndrome labels, and the thing that freaks me out more than saying my kid has Asbergers Syndrome, is saying he doesn't. It always seemed to fit, made sense of what doesn't make sense about him, but now, who knows. For the re eligibility meeting this past week, Andy needed to have a label. The rules for NCLB have changed, and instead of having a label at 8 its now 6 - so he was observed, we had an interview with Child Savers and he got a bunch of tests. At the end of the day, the papers before me said that my son was not autistic and did not have Asbergers Syndrome. They called him developmentally delayed. Really? I think they are wrong. But is that good? Or what is it? Now what? It seems too simple of an explanation for me and my kid is not simple. When they don't know what else to call it, they just slap a developmentally delayed label on it and call it a day? I think there's more still to this story. Yet, it's kind of crazy that I've gotten so comfortable with the Asbergers label. I can explain Andy and his behaviors better to others and I guess even to myself if we attach ourselves to a label. I have to say I'm pretty confused about it all. Why do I feel this need to explain myself and my son?
I know how lucky I am to have such a hilarious, intelligent, spunky boy. I am happy with him the way he is, and am fine to take it day by day, yet I am still baffled by where we fit now. Where do we fit with our friends on the spectrum and their families, who he is so similar to in so many ways? I feel like I've been lying to them, and to myself. I guess I'll have to hold out till later in the month to make sense of this if there is any to be made.
As far as how I am doing, I am feeling pretty good. Down about 10 lbs, though it sure feels like it's moving slow. I'm hoping to loose 15 more by Spring Break though at this rate it's a lofty goal. The snow days are kicking my butt with food. I'm so good when I am at school. I take my food to work with me and spread it out all day. No temptations - no extra snacks. But at home, even though I have lots of good things, I eat too many of them and loose track of my points. I missed a few days at the gym, but I've been the past few days. Nothing gained but nothing lost either.
Now here's a good one from the adventures in single mom land files.
I had a few dates with a young marine guy who I met because I locked my keys in my car. We went out twice. I was flattered to be asked out by this younger cute guy, and the ego boost was just what I needed. The first time we went out I had a sitter and we went out for dinner and drinks. I wound up picking up the bar tab.:( Back at my house, he hung out a while, which was fine by me since we did have a few drinks and I wouldn't want him to drive, nothing happened, and we both accidentally fell asleep on the couch. To my surprise, we were woken up the next morning by Andy. Whoops. Fortunately Andy doesn't really care about that sort of thing - he just sees a new friend here, and he loves having people over. We all went out to get a bite to eat, and I again picked up the tab. :( He had cash, but never gave it to me. Then back at my house, a little worn out from the wine, he just hung out, and hung out and hung out and didn't leave. I guess he had nothing better to do on a weekend, including go see his own daughter (he's getting divorced) - which is really really lame. But I just went with it, and it was nice to have a little company I guess. It got late, I made dinner, he ate my food. And didn't leave. At least he helped me clean up. All week he blew up my phone with text messages. I don't mind texting too much, but I do when I hint that I'm at work, and the texts keep coming. Talking on the phone to him is painful - he's young, military, not too bright, not much to say. But he's nice, and thoughtful, so I figured it couldn't hurt to go out with him again, when he asked me to dinner for Friday. We went to the Outback, where he had a gift certificate, and I had one also I threw in, so dinner was a split. We went to meet up with a friend of mine for drinks, and I again picked up the bar tab. Again, he didn't leave. I had a bit of wine, taking advantage of a weekend free of motherhood, and not having to drive, and again, he did not leave. I let it slide, but the next morning, the alcohol had worn off, and the snow had fallen and I needed to get to the store before it was too late. My car wouldn't start, so he gave me a ride to the store, helped me unload and then stayed some more. See a trend? So I made lunch, fed him again, he still didn't leave. Good grief, has this guy no life? Ugh. So I was dropping hints all over the place, that I had friends coming, and what was he doing, just hanging out till he had to go to work? The genius caught on to nothing. Finally my best friend Herbie arrived. I had let him know what was up, so we weren't too hospitable and finally he did leave. But then he called back and said he was stuck in the snow. Well idiot, if you had left when you should have you wouldn't have had any trouble. I guess he wanted to get stuck here, but I was far more than annoyed at his point. On our way out to pick up my girlfriend Amy, he showed back up saying his car kept getting stuck, so I told him he could hang out inside until we got back. Herbie offered to give him a ride to work, and he said no. While we were gone, he kept texting me, all the while sitting on my couch, watching my tv. He kept saying he didn't want to overextend his stay... um, too late - he just didn't get it. So when we came back, I told him, I had plans and they didn't include him, and he should be trying to get to work. Enough of that. I have had enough unmotivated, apathetic mootches for my lifetime. It took another day and a few more blunt text messages for him to realize I was not cool with being his escape plan, but I have thankfully not heard from him in 2 days. Just another one for the files. But at the end of the day, I got some attention, which was nice, got out for a change and had a reason to wear something other than art teacher clothes or gym clothes.

2010-01-16T05:13:00.000-08:00

New Year.
Now 2 weeks in. Things are looking up.
We welcomed Arthur into our little family. Arthur is a year old Puggle, incredibly cute but with the nearly identical personality of Andy. He is a bit of a goat - he's chewing on everything and you can't take your eye off him for a second. He also is a stubborn little booger who wants to do what he wants to do. Much like Andy. What have I gotten myself into? Now I have 2 of them. We love him though. It really is nice to have a dog around again. And I know he'll chill out with time.

I have focused myself on getting the the gym as much as possible, 5-6 days a week, and been doing weight watchers again. www.hungry-girl.com is my best friend. I have tried all kinds of new stuff. I think I am down around 5 lbs so far, which I am delighted by. And 3 weeks back at the gym, I am seeing definition again and noticing my shape coming back. I have signed up for the "Know your Own Strength" challenge at the gym. Last year I lost 20 inches over all. I'm hoping for the same results or better this time. But man on man - I feel every pound I gained, especially doing body step. All that jumping around, with 15-20 extra pounds. I can't wait to get rid of it.
Andy is doing great. But this week we got bad news. His one to one aide, who we LOVE, is leaving us. It is a good move for her with great benefits. She'll be teaching at a local school for autism and working with our friend A who takes Andy to his before school sitter on the other side of town each morning, so we'll be able to keep up with her. She's promised to pass notes through A. I know she's not leaving for lack of loving working with Andy, so I can't be upset. The new aide came by yesterday, and Miss M says she's great and really excited, and a great sense of humor, which Andy needs. She'll be shadowing Miss M next week, which makes me feel so much better, because I know she'll do a great job of showing our new "helper" as Andy calls her, the ropes.
In Feb we finally will get a diagnosis, and I keep forgetting to do the paperwork. I must do it this weekend! I am excited to get something on the books. And this month, we finally scheduled Andy's re-eligibility for special ed. And then a new IEP. I want nothing to change. Everything is working.
I am getting by, moving on and picking myself up everyday. Each day it gets better. I read a horoscope this morning for this month. It's so true. "A light is cast this month on old relationship matters and areas where you need to let go with grace. Self-expression, creativity and beauty are emphasized now, bringing generosity from others who surprisingly expect little in return. " Letting go with grace. That is my goal.

2009-12-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

Starting over.
This time last year I was on my game. I was thinner, motivated, more confident, and really quite social and happy. I was on top of the world, and now I am at the bottom of the heap. What happened to me? I don't feel like I know who I am and I have got to start all over. How could I have let this happen? I feel so much older after this one year. I don't like it.
Not sure where to start over - I guess it didn't really happen overnight before. The reinvention or rediscovery of one's self isn't something that comes easily or with out effort. So here's what I've got so far.
My weight. I am doing weight watchers again, at least for the last 3 days. Hey it's a start. I am up almost 20 lbs since the start of the summer. I gained 10 over the summer and another 10 has crept back on this late fall/winter. This time last year when I did the Golds Gym 12 week challenge, I lost only 13, (which is actually quite reasonable) so that means I am starting out up 7 from last year. I was confident I could do it and had support and encouragement. This year may be a more difficult struggle. I will have to keep myself accountable, but no one will distract me either, and eating out and such will be less. I want to loose all this weight and get back to where I was last year by the end of the challenge. It starts Jan 16th - so that means it will end just around spring break - (or what would have been my wedding date) and I want to take some sort of trip. I refuse to buy new clothes, so I have to make it happen. Gym everyday possible, minimum of 6 days a week - and I am starting slow still, just getting back to the gym this week - but I am hoping I will progress quickly and get it back fast. I am signed up for the 10k which is around the end of the challenge, so I plan to get to where I can run the whole thing again and at least keep my old time - which last year was 74 minutes. And my parents said they would come cheer me on! I am going to host another spaghetti night the night before too. I'll post my honest updates here. (Let me say, Pumpkin is a good thing - No pudge Brownie mix and a can of pumpkin make a mean 1 point brownie using the perfect brownie pan, and I love pumpkin fluff - 1/4 cup of canned pumpkin mixed with a vanilla pudding cup - awesome!)
We're getting a dog. I had started to think about getting a dog, a puggle (pug beagle mix) and started to look around online to research them. I was thinking it'd be good for spring or summer, but in my looking around, I came across a rescue dog named Arthur, a year old, neutered, crate trained, housebroken puggle. I couldn't resist meeting him, and we met him on Monday night. He was great, didn't bark or nip at Andy who gets really wound up around doggies, and was just the right combo of sweet, curious, and energetic. I came home a little apprehensive still, but after a little thought, I am sure Arthur is the dog for us. He is coming for a home visit tomorrow, and I am hoping to start the year off with him. I am excited about taking him for walks with Andy and bringing a little routine and spunk into our home. Something is missing here. I think a dog is just what we need in our lives. Just a little simple joy and unconditional love.
Getting my head screwed on straight. Likely the most difficult of my tasks for starting over. I think it will happen naturally as I get through this, but I am dumbstruck by how much the things that have been said to me, horrible emails, harassing texts and accusations; all things that have been projected on me have stung so deep and left me doubting and disliking myself. I have never let anyone get more under my skin before. I typically never give anyone that power. I don't know what happened, if it was weakness, vulnerability, or desperation. None of those traits sound like me. I am getting counseling, which I am not ashamed to say, but it is a pain getting started with someone - I have had one appointment just before Christmas, and don't see her again until the 21rst of January. So it's up to me to get this started. Perhaps all the other pieces will fall in place.
My social life is kind of hanging. I primarily keep up with everyone via facebook these days and rarely see or speak with anyone anymore. It's kinda sad. But it's hard to find people you want to be with when you barely want to be with yourself. I haven't had much luck having people over at the new house. The location isn't as easy, people are so busy, and there's never any time. I've even gotten tired of playing host - but I am hosting a few of the knit nights which I am really looking forward to. Maybe it'll help me get my groove back.
I am entering the new decade not where I'd like to be, but I am gonna come back - better than before, and much smarter.

2009-12-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

Day after Christmas. The year is finally almost over.
Went another round with STR last month, and this was it. I still have no closure but never again can we be together. This last round was the most destructive, in just a few short weeks, it finished me off. This whole thing this year, has turned my life, my self assurance, my sanity, my direction upside down. I don't blame, I take responsibility. I am glad it didn't hurt Andy too much or impact his life. I typically have few regrets, so it saddens me deeply that this year is one. The whole year, the whole thing. I can't help but wonder what life would be today if I turned back time, and it never happened. I wonder if I can do that now, start the year, the new decade as if none of it ever happened. But I am not sure if that's possible. I will move forward but I'm still searching for my starting place.
I feel like I have been in my pajamas for a week. Haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks. I'm going tomorrow. I could use a good Body Flow class. Due to some girly health things, I am not supposed to really get into it for another week, but I am up 10 lbs, and my clothes are all tight. I feel like I am starting all over, and really I guess I am. I am not buying new fat clothes. No, I will loose it. Once I get back on track, the hormones level out - I will be fine. And I am registered for the 10k and damnit all I WILL run the whole way. I need to shed 30 this year. And keep it off this time. My weight is almost always a reflection of how I feel about myself.
But today here I sit in my pajamas. Andy is on the couch with the wii, there's a pile of presents on the floor waiting to find a place to be put away, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel I am missing the opportunity to prepare myself. Prepare for what is next. Which I have no idea what. I should get organized, a new routine, new rules? A life coach would be good. Self help books? Oh goodness I just don't know.
So, what now? You know for the first time in a long time I don't really have the answer. It paralyzes me.

2009-11-12T07:59:00.001-08:00

wow.

mom-nos - every mile a memory

Please read this! I love this blog and this story just took my breath away.