Suspended!


Yep That's right, my 5 year old Aspie is suspended!
I received a phone call at the end of the day yesterday from the principal of my sons school. You see, they have been sending my son to breakfast every morning, (something I found out after I had already been feeding him at home.) and there was an incident in breakfast. Andy was waiting in a long line (waiting is a big problem for him) and was stimming - spinning around in circles while in line (this I know is him just getting wound up to let loose) then he stopped, grabbed a kid and bit him, unprovoked. Fortunately he bit the child through the coat, no no skin was broken or damage done. Was his intention to harm? No - he was just seeking input - and he got it. But according to the principal "there is a code of conduct" and he must be punished. The teachers decided that if he received an in school suspension it would be a treat for him to have the day alone with his aide Miss F. So they decided to suspend him.
Naturally I was upset and offended. I certainly felt he was being punished for his disability. I in no way condone or excuse his biting - but rather am upset that he was being put in an overstimulating environment and left to his own defenses. I was assured that Miss F was going with him to breakfast but not told where she was during the incident. Not that she should have to be on him every second - or to place blame, but I am simply of the belief that this suspension is at the fault of the circumstances he was placed in.
I did call back to the school before arriving in a huff, and asked to sit down with his new special education teacher to problem solve. The principal seemed pretty annoyed with me. I relayed to him that his suspension was nothing more than a three day weekend for him, and this sort of discipline was completely ineffective. In fact, almost all discipline is ineffective with this child, which many people have a problem accepting. We don't watch much tv, he has no video games at home, and spends most of his time reading and drawing. If I take away a favorite toy or book he will simply find something else - the effect is so short term that its pointless. So this suspension punishes me and my students at school who wont get art because I have to stay home. It just so happens our friend who can babysit is out of town.
I did chat with his teachers and aide, and the first thing Ms A asked was if he could eat at home - to which I responded that he did and that I had never requested he be sent to breakfast. So that was that. He will no longer go. Its overstimulating and unnesasary - so problem solved. Oh except the whole having to miss a day of work to stay home so the principal can make a point - what ever that is. Leave no child behind.

Happy 2009! A new year has officially begun. Will I blog it this year? Let's see. But seeing as how I haven't posted in a year, a quick fast forward to what we are doing now.
We finished Pre K and did very well after a rough first half of the year and a few bad babysitters. We found ourselves in much better hands by early Spring and Morgan and her toddler son Owen, not only were the best before and after school sitters - but became family. Morgan is a fantastic friend and we love her so much. Andy always lists Morgan and Owen in our family. Mama, Nana, Paw paw, Morgan, Owen and now Sara.
Sara moved into our home in June, after the horrible saga with the former roommate ended. (Don't get me started - I couldn't bear revisiting the drama that having an alcoholic living in the basement brought into our lives - thankfully Andy knew nothing other than she never left the basement. But the nightmare is over.) Sara is a young thing, 19, sweet, keeps to her self and is never home. Andy likes her and says Sara and I are his parents. I guess that's because we are the adults that live in his house and that must be his definition of that. I've told him to be careful who he tells that at school - the moms will talk.

Speaking of school - Andy started Kindergarten in a general ed classroom with an aide, as his IEP stipulates he will be in the classroom with support. I love his teacher - she's a great fit, I met her at the end of last school year and she cam eto our end of the year IEP meeting. Shes fun and has a great sense of humor - very crutial in handling Andy. Well, it was a little rough starting. I wasn't so keen on his special ed case manager - didn't feel like I had connected with her on the level I had become so used to with our pre k team. His aide was also a different personality than I was used to and I couldn't quite figure her out either, which left me a little uneasy and nervous. Theres nothing wrong at all with her, she's great - just more formal than I am and I just really wanted to feel like she loved him right away. Andy was giving them a run for their money and I was on the defense.
The long day 9-3:30 was proving to be a tax on my boy - and the large class of 26 - was too much for him. Lunch was difficult and likes to get into others space and got easily over stimulated, which then resulted in him having to be removed from the group and eating alone. In fact being removed from the group was having to happen a lot. He isn't yet able to request a break, so his way of getting it is his behavior. We don't think he's doing it intentionally, but the result satisfies the disruptive behavior. He's disruptive because he need a break, but we want him to be able to ask for it, or for us to predict it better. After a few rough patches, we met as an IEP team and tried a temporary trail run of the special ed resource class for rough parts of the day. We extended that to now 2 hours of the day and its going great - or at least much better. Andy is now now longer classified as inclusion, but as in resource which means his special education team leader is now the Sped teacher Ms A - who I love. Shes amazing and has a calm sweet disposition - shes no frills, easy going and gets things done. The kids in the group are fantastic, many of whom we already know and love. Its a great situation. Our aide Miss F stays with him all day including in resource and I am seeing a connection evolving between she and Andy - and she is falling in love as well as warming up to me, who can be a bit overbearing I admit. And we implemented a simple behavior chart - that lets me know more about what parts of the day he's having rough spots in and it seems to be working.
We also did a group music class - our first ever extra curricular activity. It was a program just for kids on the spectrum. We loved it and plan to return again in mid Jan with hopes for piano lessons in the future.

The fall was rough - including a bit of traveling for some family issues and a wedding. My grandmother and uncle passed away close together leaving the loose ends of my deceased fathers family untied - so my mother and I have been traveling to GA to take care of those matters. The Spring should bring us the settlement of a small estate, but will help us immensely financially and allow us to plan more for the future than live paycheck to paycheck as I am so accustomed to.
So that's it in a nutshell post break.
But winter break has been hard, and Andy keeps asking me when he can go back to school. We both crave the structure.
So here's to a productive 2009! I'll see if I can keep you posted.

Bed Bugs

I said I needed to write this stuff down, so here's one from tonight.
So the kid who couldn't answer a simple question from me last year, tonight, has this conversation:
(said while leaving the Festival of Lights we attended for a school function, we ate in the cafe and he got a special Santa cookie for being such a good boy to take home)
"Momma, I want to eat my cookie"
"ok honey, you can eat it in the car, we need to go home and get to bed"
"I don't want to eat it in the car, I want to eat it in bed"
"what? You don't eat cookies in bed?"
(laughs) "Yes you do" (laughs, he's joking around now)
so we go back and forth laughing about eating cookies in bed.
"You can't eat cookies in bed silly, you'll get crumbs in the bed and the bed bugs will come"
"No momma, bed bugs don't eat cookie crumbs"
They don't? What do they eat?"
"They eat grass - outside silly"
"Oh right, of course, why do they get in the bed then if they live outside?"
"Because they are sleepy"

I'd say communication is improving wouldn't you?

I've been inspired to start blogging more.
Thank you G. I needed that. Plus there have been too many funny little silly things I need to write down, I haven't. Oh yeah and this year Blogger isn't blocked on the school server. I rarely have a second on the computer to do more than the norm at home, as Monkey bogarts the computer so he can play PBSkids.com games. Every now and then on weekends, I can but during my lunch time I can really have a second to goof, think, and get my own moment of peace.

So I am going to add a few fun stories I have been needing to write down.

More poop.
Monkey is a regular fella. After an afternoon poop, I complimented his work, I said, "whoa that was a big one" and he responded quite matter of factly " yes, like and elephant"
(Totally cracked me up, but it finally occurred to me they must be reading "Everybody Poops" at school.)

My mom is a big cook, so this weekend with my parents he was reading a cookbook of holiday cookies with my mom on a car trip. He proceeded to tell Paw Paw "I need these ingredients (pointing to the list) to make this cookie"

Later when my mom and step dad were getting worked up about something, he told them to "Relax Nana, Breathe" (I say that to him when he gets overexcited or upset.)

So I am on the road to writing it down more. Stay tuned for more highlights

Happy Thanksgiving!

So much has happened since my last post. I will do my best to update.
We moved, into a big house, tons of space, just perfect, much higher in rent, but in the right school district so Andy can stay at his fantastic school. Monkey loves his "Big White House". We have a roommate, which has been interesting, but I will leave that part of the story out for now.

Monkey turned 4, to the tune of a big major bash (Little Einstein themed)at the 'Big White house" Everyone came, it was huge, but it was a blast. All the work I put in on the house all July paid off, and we were able to have friends over for the first time. Monkey was overjoyed. He has a big wonderful room, and all his friends were playing in it. He was jumping up and down saying "my friends, my friends, my friends are in my room!"
He went back to school, and this year, instead of the PDD class being split into two classes, and the teacher flip flopping every other day, they are in one class. Monkey is testing them. He wants all the attention, and is working them. Our IEP meeting is coming up in Dec, so we'll be talking more about this soon.

We've already been through one sitter. A mom of 2 boys at Monkey's school, was watching him in the mornings and afternoons, but Monkey needs actual supervision, which she was not providing. She wound up quitting suddenly. Not cool.
So I did find a new great sitter, who comes to the house, so no more changes with the bus and whatnot. It's working out great. She is good with Monkey and she has a little girl, not yet 2, who Monkey gets on great with.

Halloween, Rocket from The Little Einsteins of course. Very cute. He was a little scared of the spooky stuff, but in our new hood we were able to safely Trick or Treat. He made it all of 2 blocks, and wanted to go home and eat candy.

Now Thanksgiving. Dinner was at our house this year, and well, just look at that face, what's not to be thankful for?

Super Monkey!!!

Yes, he's a super boy alright! Now complete with his new shirt complete with a cape, from Scrappywares, a local gal I met at a show we visited. I had had hat thought of making a similar shirt myself, but when I saw hers, I got her to do it for us. I like supporting fellow craftsfolk!
Well let me tell ya, he loves it! As soon as it came in, he said "I can fly now" and put it on directly over his shirt!
Fortunately, he has yet to jump off anything....yet. My neighbor and I taught him how to "fly" around the yard, and that seems to work for now, with the sound effects.



Meanwhile, I'm not feeling like such a Super Mom. Mrs B says the Monkey isn't handling rules and transitions at school so well these days. He's not napping at Miss J's house in the afternoons (except for today, YES!) so he'd been passing out at 4 for a nap, and staying up really late. So this week, no nap = put our evening schedule in turbo drive and switch things around. Now, it's play in the yard, dinner, bath, TV (vs. TV when we get home, not good, he passes out) and then story and bed. We have been getting to bed earlier. I guess it's better, I haven't heard back from his teacher, and don't know how it's going. My emails haven't been responded to yet.
I swear I just feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I puruse the Autism boards and feel like I know nothing. I don't know what he can and can't do now. I had ideas that he could do summer programs in our county, but the teachers feel he'd need a one on one helper, and that it might not be his speed. It's almost as if I'm in denial that his needs are that special. I feel like he's still such a normal 3 year old, but just a little high maintenance.
And it doesn't help that there are people who don't seem to believe me either. For example, my brother, who says, Monkey is too smart to have any kind of syndrome, and I watch too much Oprah (which I watch none btw) And I even feel my friends look at me funny, and I swear they just think I'm making excuses for him.
I don't know, I'm just babbling here tonight.
I feel like slacker momma, don't have a clue mom these days. But we'll be okay.
Fly Fly Fly!

Dear Mr Checkout Man,
Today at the grocery store, you saw my Monkey standing in the cart (yeah okay not cool, but it was just for a second and we weren't moving, my rule) and counting in a strange voice. I don't know if you were annoyed by his standing up or if it was his counting. (I know he has trouble with his "inside voice") But really, if you see the mom there, why do you find it necessary to correct him, saying "Excuse me young man." Because then I am instantly annoyed, and for some reason I want you to feel like a fool, so I stop you mid correction to tell you "Sir he won't answer you, he's autistic (knowing this is the bast way to explain PDD or AS to a clerk so you get it quicker) and frankly sir you don't need to speak to him that way." I'm glad it worked, you felt like a turd, and you should have. But I hate that I said it to you. I shouldn't have felt I had to give an excuse for my preschooler's behavior. I shouldn't as a mom feel like I have to excuse him at all. That really pisses me off. The grocery store is quite an overwhelming place for him, and he was doing pretty well. And I have learned as mom that I pick my battles. But what you don't know is how great he just did at his first trip to the dentist. How even though he was a little wound up, he sat in the chair and let the hygienist clean his teeth. It was great! And he hates brushing his teeth. And then in the grocery isle, when he insisted on getting down to pull the cart, I asked him to turn down an aisle to go get juice and milk, and he said "Aye Aye Matey" in his best pirate voice! So funny! But so cool to see him use more scripts appropriately and with such humor! I ignore the frustrating moments as best as I can, and focus on the great ones. You know, I've been told this has gifts, and I'm glad for that gift it has given me. But the one gift which I wish I didn't have to see so clearly is how intolerant people are, people who nit pick little sweet children for just being kids, like you today. Jerk.